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1-800-BUZ-ZOFF!!!

*ring*.....*ring*....."hello?"......nuthin'.....then "may I speak to Mr. or Mrs. (insert grotesque mispronunciation of my really simple last name here)?"  Then comes the pitch.  Delivered at high speed in a bored monotone.....

"We're doing a survey...or cleaning carpets....or offering you a great rate on a load....or...."


AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

I am soooooo tired of phone solicitors!!  I swear I'm just gonna SNAP one of these days and cancel my phone service (probably after I've SMASHED every phone in my house!)!  I just wanna yell into the phone, "Get a REAL job!  Man!  Your mom must be soooo proud of you!  Do you call HER and bug the shit out of HER while she's eating dinner??  As a matter of fact, give me her number...I'll do it!!"

But I don't.  I restrain my evil twin within and as politely (cuz we Canucks are a polite bunch) as possible cut in and ask to please NEVER be called again.  Then, the human bot launches into a DIFFERENT monologue regarding the 30 days it takes to remove my number from "the list."  ...sigh...

This is happening more and more all the time.  What is UP with that??  I get home from work and check my phone and, on any given day, there are no fewer than half a dozen 800 numbers on my call thinger.
 

Dear Phone-solicitors:

Listen up!

NO!  I do not want my carpets cleaned!

NO!  I do not need a loan or a shiny new credit card!

YES!  I'm very happy that I've just won an all-expenses-paid trip to the Bahamas, but NO I won't be going because NO I don't want to buy a time-share in order to claim my FREE trip!

NO!  I don't need new windows, roofing, magazines, or home-delivered groceries!  And I damn sure don't need my ducts sucked (whatever the hell THAT is!)(Can they really ASK me that??!!  Yikes!)!!

NO!!  I don't have half a bloody hour to answer your friggin' survey questions only to have you then try to sell me something you've determined I can't live without based on my survey answers!!!  Hear me chewing??  I'M EATING MY DINNER, DAMMIT!!!  GO AWAY!!


Dear Parents:

Whatever child-rearing mistakes you might make, do NOT let your babies grow up to be phone solicitors!  They will very likely end up with serious psychological problems from being cussed out repeatedly by people with food in their mouths.  They will, in all likelihood, end up deaf in one ear from being shrieked at.  Is that what you want for your kids??  

Sincerely,

BootLady

Rant complete!  I feel better already!

(PS - I changed the title cuz I was hostile when I wrote this, and have since calmed down and decided that it offended my delicate sensibilities! (lol)  It's not often I manage to offend myself!)


Posted by BootLady on 2008-04-25 21:15:50 | Rating: | Views: 147


Comments


Posted by
badlydrawnstickman
on 2008-04-25 21:45:29
 
haha
you know that there are phone solicitation exclusion lists...i hardly get those calls anymore...
look into it - it might help your blood pressure...
cheers!!
:o)
 
 

Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-25 22:25:02
 
What? And forego the fun of screaming colourful expletives into the phone? Dunno if I'm ready for that...
 
 

Posted by
Hollis
on 2008-04-25 23:32:08
 
As soon as I get those calls I just hang up. I never say a word other than hello....Hate them too...Here in Indiana we had a law passed for no 800 numbers or solicitors either. It is good for a year I think, then you call the state house and register for the no call list again.. I get maybe one or two a month now..But that is better than every day.
 
 

Posted by
brainstormer
on 2008-04-26 00:04:19
 
I like the Seinfeld method. When they call--IF you are fortunate enough to get a real person--you tell them you are sorry to be so busy...ask them if they can give you their number so you can call them back later...when they refuse, you say "well, now you know how I feel" and hang up:)
 
 

Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-26 09:52:10
 
Hi Hollis! I haven't heard of anything in Ontario about registering for a "no call" list, but I'm gonna look into it. A friend of mine is paying umpteen extra bucks a month to have an unlisted number, but it's not really helping. I've been using the hang-up method for a while now and I think if I answer it just excites them more and they call back more often. ARGH!!
 
 

Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-26 09:54:11
 
I like that idea, brainstormer! I truly don't understand why these companies don't get it. Does this tactic really actually work on anyone?? It must, or they wouldn't ramp it up like they have in the last few months! PEOPLE!! Stop buying schitt from phone solicitors so they'll go away!!
 
 

Posted by
Mamacita925
on 2008-04-28 16:31:55
 
LMAO!!!!! I was once a telemarketer...picture that... I don't handle being called a bitch before 9am well...I was fired shortly after starting!! lol
 
 

Posted by
Ellie2008
on 2008-04-28 18:11:16
 
I liked brainstormer's idea and will use it! They've even begun calling my cell...
 
 

Posted by
Frankly
on 2008-04-28 18:55:16
 
I am absolutly brutal to them! I think I made one cry even!

:)

 
 

Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-28 19:04:39
 
Mamacita! I'm glad you're back! I'm still laughing at your comment!

Ellie - about a half-hour ago, my daughter answered the phone (yet another 1-800 call). She held out the phone and yelled "Mom! What was it I'm supposed to say to these idiots?" LOL - She's sooo me!

Aw Frank, ya big meanie!! Pssst - tell me how you did it!
 
 

Posted by
Plakola
on 2008-04-29 20:49:22
 
LOL Wow Bootlady, this blog is the funniest of all. This blog really caught my attention. You know what I do when phone solicitors call, I just answer and hang up, simple as that. I know sometimes it gets annoying. I just put them on the block list.
 
 

Posted by
pitapie50
on 2008-04-29 22:44:34
 
I don't get phone solicitors anymore. When I did I either said that I was dead (pretending to be someone else) or on safari. A girlfriend of mine would yell into the phone every cuss word she knew.
Loved your post as always :)
 
 

Posted by
missmarie
on 2008-04-30 12:53:59
 
Well said honey, my phone is permanently unplugged cos i was getting at least 3 cold calls a day and i agree...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

nice post xxx
 
 

Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-04-30 17:01:40
 
Bootlady - I am so happy you commented on my last post because I have now discovered that you have such an amazing sense of humor and I love your writing. Consider yourself bookmarked!
 
 

Posted by
BootLady
on 2008-04-30 23:00:16
 
Thanks, Plakola! I find that it's way more fun to laugh about stuff like this than freak out about it. I've been doing the hang up thing for MONTHS now - these people just don't learn!

Pita, m'dear, I've just had a brainwave...next time they call me I'm going to tell them that I'm dead (but without pretending to be someone else)! Y'think it'll work?

Hi missmarie! I have visions of people lurking in the shrubberies and peering in my windows just waiting for us to sit down to dinner. Then they radio in to headquarters "okay, they're just sitting down, over" "10-4, we'll just wait 'til they start chewing then we'll call, over"

Meredith! I'm honoured! Thank you so much! (I signed up for your fan club this morning...) :)
 
 


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BootLady
Ontario, Canada

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