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| Sometimes, things take a twist
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Often, things take a turn when you aren't really expecting a fork in the road.
Maybe I have my infrared goggles on, the goggles that make me able to spot a red flag, in the pitch blackness, at 100 yards. Or maybe the red flag is much closer to me, waving like a banner, plain as day. Or maybe I'm just spoiled, tired, and have expectations that no one will ever meet and the only existing red flag is attached to me. Anything is possible.
Country boy.........I've already lauded him enough. Not much else to say about how incredibly awesome he is. Now, here is where I start to analyze again.
We talk on the phone alot. Really, all the time, and the conversation never gets boring. There's no awkward pauses of silence when no one has anything to say. Really like talking to him, but then, I could probably talk up a storm to most people. Anyhoo......
So, lately, country boy has a nasty habit of doing this: we will be chatting, and we are in the stages of getting-to-know-each-other where you often discuss family, friends, and other things that are important, but he will sorta zone out for a few minutes.............no "Hey, can you hang on a second?" or "Hold up......my mom is talking to me." No official warning that I'm in mid-sentence, and evidently talking to myself. Nope, just a few minutes of nothing and then, "Okay, I'm back......what were you saying?"
Now, let me just interject and say if his mom is bleeding from both eyes or ears, I could totally understand the frequent interruptions. Or even if she has something important and pressing to say. But this is not the case. More often than not, it's about what they are going to cook that evening. Might be just random conversation. And if the interruption occurred in the lull of conversation, I could also understand this. I'm having trouble, however, being okay with the frequency of this and the fact that it occurs whenever we are having a full-fledged conversation.
Also in my defense is that almost all of my friends have children, so it's not that I'm unaccustomed to having many interruptions during our phone conversations. In fact, I think I would die if I was ever talking to Wamp when one of her sons came to tell her something and she said, "Not now, Luke......Mommy and Jenny are talking about the new fall line at the Limited." That wouldn't be right at all. I don't think I'm being unreasonable here.
And with his father recently passing, his mother may need 100%, undivided attention right now. I get that, and again, find his willingness to suspend his life for the good of his mother to be one of the nobler gestures I've encountered. Just makes me think that he won't have much to give anything else. And probably shouldn't, anyway. Family first. Always.
So, it's not that I'm mad, pouting, or anything like that. I get it. I understand. I just don't know if it's worth putting any more thought or effort into it. In short, as of now, I'm quite sure he isn't "the one", but I don't guess he has to be for me to enjoy hanging out with him. I might just put less time or energy into getting to know the things that make him him, does that make sense? Instead of cautiously and prudently applying the brakes gently, maybe I should mash them to the floor, in terms of giving the possibility of relationship serious consideration. Begin retreat mode, mentally and emotionally, if not necessarily physically. Okay, that sounded bad.....I mean, still see him when he asks me out and I want to go, but just not get too involved. Or maybe I should just run now. I dunno.
Being a veteran OCDer, sometimes I wonder if I take lessons learned a bit far. I'm just learning that it is much more beneficial to let things, and people, go when it's time, and not one second later. Can't say I'm exactly getting the hang of this just yet, but I'm at least considering the idea much more quickly than I have in the past when something seemed to be heading for NoWheresville. My old MO was to hang on for dear life to something I wanted. I often found myself hanging on so tightly that my hands wound up ripped, torn, and bleeding, and the object of my tenacity was still gone. Don't want to do that, anymore. Can't do that anymore. |
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Posted by BlueMoonInMyEye on 2008-07-11 13:15:05 | Rating: | Views: 51
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Listen to your inner voice, it sounds like you know you should not get as emotionally involved. Good luck. Believe in yourself and your instincts.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-11 14:26:06
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I'd get annoyed with the phone thing too - can't he talk in his room? I mean, is he always in the same room as his mom when he is on the phone with you? That's kind of creepy. A grown man needs (and should want) his privacy and having some does not make him less of a good son.
I agree with Prelude, just trust your instincts. If they tell you to keep trucking with Country Boy, do it until they tell you to stop. If they tell you to stop now, stop now.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-11 14:58:16
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The phone thing is really irritating and you getting annoyed is understandable. I'm with the girls on this one, go with your heart, and stay safe for a while. This is also a shout out to let you know I'm alive :D (Just incase you were wondering!)
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-07-14 02:22:57
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