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I had dinner with friends tonight.
I met Wamp and Rhonda about 9 years ago while I was working as a research coordinator at a clinical trials site. The three of us hit it off immediately. There's just some people that you were destined to meet, and the Wamp and Rhonda are definitely 2 of those people in my life. Serious soul sistas.
And the weirdest thing is, usually when there are 3 chicks in a friendship, 1 winds up getting left out of something at sometime. But we've never been that way at all. There's never been any backbiting, excluding, anything like that. If we've argued, it was as a unit. If we made plans and the 3rd person couldn't make it, the other 2 missed them, and there was never any chatter about the 3rd person while they were absent. And if there was chatter, it was all good stuff. Quite possibly one of the truest friendships I have ever had the privilege to enjoy.
Rhonda has been MIA for the last year. She's a single mom and decided to go back to school to get her Master's in Physical Therapy. Between work, school, her daughter, and the fact that she lives 2 hours away from me, and 1 hour away from Wamp, we haven't seen hide nor hair of her since last July. We've talked on the phone occasionally, and we've emailed and texted some.......but all of her free time was devoted to her daughter.
She's done with school now and is just waiting to take her state boards. And tonight was the first time the 3 of us have been together since a trip to Florida last summer. You'd think in the course of 1 year, something would be different. Let's see.....Wamp and me had a tremendous falling out, Wamp had baby #3, I had a meltdown over Scott, started a new job, went back to the old job, had a handful of random dates, Wamp and me let bygones be bygones; with all that, you'd think there'd be a shift somewhere. But not one thing has changed. We sat around, ate, laughed, had the same flow of conversation we always did, and it just seemed like old times. Those 2 are the kinda friends that I might not talk to for a while, but when we get back together, we pick right up like no time at all has passed. I'm both blessed and grateful to have them.
I have alot of friends that I trust with my life. I'm proud of them, proud to call them my friends, and proud that they want me as a friend in return. It's good to have those people around when you feel like you've cut some losses. It's amazing to know that there are people that love you just the way you are. It sorta spoils me, I think, because that makes the people that either kick you to the curb, or relegate you to the periphery that much more obvious.
Is it spoiled, selfish, or just plain wrong to want to surround myself ONLY with the people that I know want me around? Is it bad that I don't want to be anyone's take-it-or-leave-it person? I realize that in life there are acquaintances and then there are friends, but if acquaintances have the ability to hurt your feelings, is it so wrong to stay away from them?
The recollection of some people still has the ability to hurt me, and I really don't want to add anyone else to that list. Maybe it's childish, but I have this need to protect myself. For all of my smack talk and ranting, I'm actually a fairly vulnerable person, and I don't want anyone to be able to hurt me again. I guess that would mean retreating from anyone new, not making efforts to get to know new people, and standing on the sidelines, blending in with the scenery. Country boy, for example........couldn't he just walk away more easily than Scott did? Not that Scott didn't leave easily.......I'm quite certain he did and rebounded quite nicely, but I'm just saying......couldn't that happen?
In a few months, I'm going to be 36 y/o. And it occurs to me that I have spent a great deal of time, in those 36 years, mourning the loss of someone. Wondering if I did something wrong. I'm really tired of that. Really, really tired of that. I don't want it anymore.
I might be alot better off to just focus on what I know......my current friends, my family, my own interests and leave everything and everyone else alone. I don't know that exposing myself to anything or anyone new and potentially damaging is worth the risk anymore. |
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Posted by BlueMoonInMyEye on 2008-07-12 02:35:21 | Rating: | Views: 64
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it is so good to have such good friends,they have the ability to hurt you,but still worth have them,it is natural that you get hurt from others,that shows you love and have been loved....the worst thing is no one realised you've ever existed,right?
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Posted by nina880224
on 2008-07-12 03:21:29
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You are blessed to have friends like that. I often feel that way when it comes to my friends that they are a blessing. A few years ago I made a decision that if someone was not a real friend it was not worth having them in my life. I fell the same way you do, I don't want to allow myself to get hurt especially when I feel the people around me are all awesome. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-12 09:02:04
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Friendship like what you share with Wamp and Rhonda is priceless - I consider myself blessed to have a few of those myself and like you, I like to be secure that the people I consider friends and let into my life truly want to be there. Nothing selfish about it. Time is too precious to waste on fairweathered friends.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-15 15:14:31
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