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Bad news today.
My administrative assistant, who is sorta my lifeline to the actual corporate office, was in a motorcycle accident over the weekend. As of this morning, it was declared that she would be paralyzed and ventilator-dependent for the rest of her life. Could be a long life since her 26th birthday was this past Saturday. The news completely rocked me. I feel sick. And helpless.
However, I am not giving up hope. From what I've learned, the brain and the spinal cord is completely intact, but she fractured cervical vertebrae C2-C6. For the medically disinclined, this alone should've killer her. But it didn't. It should've at the very least severed the spinal cord at the base, but it didn't. Her name is Catherine, if anyone would like to offer up a prayer for her. I personally would appreciate any faith anyone has to offer up on Catherine's behalf. I've just felt drained since I found out.
On a positive note, I'm watching my company, a global giant in the world of pharmaceuticals, rally around Catherine and her family. Assembling groups of people to raise funds for the mammoth medical costs she is incurring. Upper management is actually mobilizing teams that work from the main office to maintain a paid, round the clock vigil for her. Right now, I'm seriously thinking I am blessed to work for these people. Proud to be one of them.
My sister went back to the ER tonight. They didn't admit her, but she has another appointment with the surgeon tomorrow, so we aren't in the clear yet. Hard to watch her have good days and then days of suffering. Wish this was over for her.
Country boy asked me about Scott. He had some background info from his sister and just asked what happened. I simply said Scott was unhappy with me and moved on to find someone who could make him happy. Country boy said what should've been the sweetest thing in the world, but cut me to the quick: "How could anyone be miserable around you? You just shine. You brighten up a room. What else could he want?" I told him that apparently Scott wants someone who has nothing to say when they are mad, doesn't smoke, and doesn't rock the boat. Of course, that's just my humble opinion, as I really don't have the slightest clue what Scott needs, I just know it's not me. CB said, "Wow......he must have impossible standards."
Funny how Scott once said the same thing about Kevin. "How could he let you get away", Scott, at one time, wanted to know? I wonder now if he has answered that question for himself?
I find myself more and more drawn to CB. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's because he makes me feel beautiful, maybe it's because he looks me in the eyes always, or maybe it's because there is a strong gentleness about him. Or maybe I'm just putting the cart before the horse here, maybe I'm too willing to believe him at this point. Maybe I listen to him talk about his boys and realize that his capacity to feel love goes beyond measure. I dunno. Maybe I'm just crazy.
The thing is, I tend to go to extremes. I can almost tell immediately if I'm interested, and I can't tell just as quickly if I'm not. AND, since I seem to go full steam if I am interested in something/someone, I know that I also have the tendency to allow things to take off much faster than they should. It seems natural at the time, but it's never worked in the past.
But damned if I know what the "right" way to do this might be. Do I purposely hold back from CB simply to avoid "rushing"? Is the rushing part what's been my mistake in the past, or has it been the person with whom I was in such a hurry?
Another point to ponder: what if all the time I've wasted looking for the quirky, broody, intelligent man that offered a challenge, a meeting of the minds, is just a bunch of shit? What if the real thing is much more simple? Just so no one panics here, believe me, I'm not picking out china patterns or anything, I'm just thinking, as usual. What if the best life in the world is waiting with someone like Country Boy, and having a good family life all the way around? What if true happiness lies in the smiles of kids, watching them grow and learn and actually participating in that? Up until now, a guy with kids has been a slight deterrent for me. Not something I purposely avoided altogether, but certainly not my idea of the ideal situation. What if I've been all wrong?
If it's not so clear, Catherine's accident has forced me into a very cold and harsh reality. You never know. Your life can change on a dime. One second, you are hanging out with friends for your birthday celebration, the next you are hooked up to breathing apparatus and completely unconscious. I've never really believed the phrase that "life is short" because it sometimes seems to drag by in long days and longer nights. Sometimes it seems like life is a series of repetitive actions, old patterns that just keep playing out over and over and over. Until that single event happens that changes your life forever in a matter of seconds, for better or worse. Sorta puts things in a new perspective.
It's got me thinking seriously about what really matters in life. What's more important......the things you might look back on in 20 years and regret like hell, or the things right in front of you that are little miracles in themselves? And if we really looked at the oh so special things in our lives as true miracles, should there even be room for wasting time with regret? It's kinda sobering.
So, Catherine is on my mind. And weighing heavy on my heart.
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| Blog Comments
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Blue - I'm so sorry to hear about Catherine, I send all my thoughts (and prayers)to her.
As for CB - let yourself do what you feel right doing. Maybe the difference with him is that he knows what is important in life (his kids) and he has a different perspective to men without kids?
Attitudes certainly change when you have them.
Good luck, he sounds like a very sincere guy, and I like the fact he can look you in the eye when he is talking. A trait I appreciate when I speak to people.
xx
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-21 23:56:28
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I will keep Catherine in my prayers. Your "reflections on life" were spot on. It shakes me to the core when I see the life of someone I know changed in an instant.
I have been reading your posts about CB. A bit to early to tell how things will unfold with you two. I'm praying and hoping for the best, as you so richly deserve to be loved and happy. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-22 00:31:15
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I will say a prayer for Catherine. I hope she does better than predicted.
With CB, I think you should take it slow. I believe that anyone can keep up an act for a short time but I read that after 3 months, you are getting the real person.
This worked for me in my relationship before Brian and I was glad I held back. With Brian I saw his bad side after 6 months and it was too late.
CB sounds genuine and I really hope that he is. You deserve to be completely happy and have someone that adores you.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-22 08:42:38
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Good grief Kiddo I'm so sorry about Catherine. I'm speechless, so young just so damn young. My prayers to her and her family.
Speaking for myself I'll take whats in front of me as opposed to something in the past.
CB sounds like a good egg. Good for you kiddo! Your in my thoughts take care of you.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-07-22 09:31:01
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Blue, I am so sorry about Catherine and will certainly pray for her, and your sister too.
There is no "right" way to go about things with CB. If there was, however, I don't think purposely holding back would be the way to go, nor do I think jumping in without a paddle would be either. Just take it one day at a time and watch for the signs that tell you what to do next. They are there; you just need to look for them.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-22 10:23:21
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I felt terrible reading about Catherine. It must be such a horrid thing to have to deal with. My prayers are with her.
I really like CB, so my advice would be to let your heart feels what it feels and just see how things go. Take it a day at a time and enjoy the attention and his company. Have a good time and just see how things go.
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-07-31 05:30:30
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| Views: 66
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