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| wild thots |
din expect him to come online...maybe cos he saw me in fb?anyway...we had a long long chat after so many months of living by ourselves...we used to be "close" in my terms...i will tell him everything abt my life...my needs thou we had not seen each other then....and i believe tat we are super close frens tats wat i thot and feel cos of the level of committment he had given to me....and how he treated me at tat period of time....
when we drifted apart, i was abit sad and taken aback.. cos get the impression tat he is juz like anyother guy whom matters the basic issue...being strong headed, i always try to take things under my stride....
i was abt to doc a blog...to say we had not been speaking for a while since his bday and he appears out of the sudden....talk as per normal, checking me out and sounding me to see how i am now....its only day 1 after really long and we had a long long chat...drifting to the inner needs of me...and his...
he set me off into wild thots...to do things tat i wont dare to...cos of morality, integrity...but yet i want to do it...half of me just wanna go taste the forbidden fruit in a playful manner..cos not all ppl had the chance to do it when they are young...i cant be doing it only when i am older..i want to experience all rounder
but certain part of me is scared...i dunno by doing it, wat are the consequences tat comses with it... i am afraid of bearing the consequence tat are beyond my control...and as an adult, i need to be responsible for my own actions
i am now caught in a dilemma...want or dun want is juz a split second thingie...and can juz happen...
thinking abt those experience my frens has ard me, i am thinking if i had gone overboard to have fun...they did it with guys they like and see a possible future in...but me? if i really did it with him, i am doing it with a person whom clearly states there isnt any future...we are doing it cos we are 2 individuals whom has a need..and cos we can click too..hence decide to do it....
so in our conversation, he sort of like start to plan abt the deed, to know and wanna state wat i like and dun like upfront and the things i am comfortable with etc...but he did not appear to be pushy at all...and gave me the space to have both the wild thots and sanity...my wild thots made me committ to his proposals...and we actually almost set a date to do it...
from the day tat we met...we had a few meet ups thru out the months....but none of them are out of the extraordinary... we had some confessions now...abt how we felt then...and how things changed and so are our feelings....
i guess we were both quite taken aback now...but we din even had the chance to bring things further...
as i am writing this we are in the midst of another conversation..to cont from where it was left i guess....
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Posted by BlahEr on 2009-10-11 13:41:20 | Rating: | Views: 6
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