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Where did I disappear to? I am looking for that girl so full of life. Jumping, laughing, understanding and feeling. I can't find her. I look behind the shadows, the reflection. Her eyes are empty that reflection. Her nose the same, her face the same. Her eyes different. SHe is a woman that is lost in love. Has lost herself on the streets of Los Angeles. Inside the gluttons of selfishness. Her vision now befuddled with indecent behaviors. She is now just a list of endless mistakes. Her core tainted with homosexual behaviors, illegal drugs and uncertainty.
Friends now just numbers in an electronic phone book. Love consuming her, begging her to change her physical, her mental.
Inside of doubt she lives. She wishes that she understood why her heart beats for another and so little for herself. Her twin understands and pines away for understanding. For complete disclosure of her heart. Time to change. Time to take in myself and leave all of the rest behind me. I can't find myself inside of this chaos. SO I look to my reflection and ask the endless set of questions. Starting with why's? and then when's? When did you stop believing in you? When did your voice die? When did you become your last priority? I look out into the future and see the waiting clock of a love gone bad. I don't see you anymore. Nya come back to me, I miss you. Without that you I am not whole. That is me talking to me. My twin reminding me that without her stable counterpart she is nothing. I am nothing without her. The one vivicous and loud. The one that is so headstrong she can't be swayed. All I have become is a beaten path of love. Working on a future, like all futures is unsure. The only one you can depend on is you. I saw the world with you, she cries inside but can't voice it to her lover. I saw the pain with you and now all I am is a tool. A tool for your further growth. I am sick of living beneath what you want me to be. I have missed who I am and I am ready to let her shine. I will continue to use your presence as a catalyst. A reminder of how I lost who I am. I am tired of living without me just so I can live with you. Everything who I am is nothing of what you wish. Before my words were are beacon to each other but now you don't read my wishes. Our love affair is over. Finally I see it. I still love you but you don't still love me. I am tired of wishing. That is me talking to me. An illusion of some other being. The count down has begun. Before the month is out you will be gone. Chasing some other dream.
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Posted by BitterSweetNy on 2008-06-05 14:24:10 | Rating: | Views: 50
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