| View Blog
|
| KNOWING MY SEXUAL (GAY OR NOT GAY)
|
|
|
Knowing my sexual prefernce was at some point humilating. I mean really humilating. I am in looking into the eyes of this hot woman. Thinking to myself. IS my pussy really getting wet, do I really think she is hot. OH and wait... do I really want to shag her.
I was not humilated by the fact that I indeed may have fallen deeply in love with a person who anatomy matched mine, but that the fact was why didn't I figure it out sooner.
Funny thing is... that I have only had two female lovers. My first, the love of my life...whom to this day thinks I will end up with a man which is the purpose for this tedious rant. And the other woman... so my girl dumped me for a crack head... and I don't use that term loosely the woman is a crack head, and ugly crack head at that, well another beauty or booty... turned me about and I took the plunge. It happened just once.. and I was no more experienced than I was with the Lady who left me.
Now while, I have trained the sport of upside down nakedness with many fellas... I never once felt my body spread open, never wanted to speak in tongues or recite my later poetic venture in the ears of not one of these guys. I have used the poor male species to remind myself that I make the choice. When hurt I have became intoxicated and allowed the pawing of large masculine hands.
For these things I am a bit ashamed. They have fallen in love, and followed me around and then I am the heartbreaker because the whole time... SHE filled my thoughts.
For a little while there I fancied myself a bisexual, just shagging to be shagging. Now while I know many will think less of me because I have had many of these tiny shagfest..please don't judge me. I was at the time trying to figure out why as child, I would crush so hard on female friends, why in my teens I began to have this insane desire to watch anything lesbian on the tube. Before I knew it, I was watching cult lesbian classic... SO I AM A CHEERLEADER, IMAGINE ME AN YOU, or better yet another with Piper Perabo Oh shoot the name alludes me but its about two girls in bording school who somehow start a romance, one of the girls sister finds out and because she is so ashamed she dumps this other beautiful who loves her and the end is not good one. And then as an adult, after living the life of the wild party girl with now ex best friend... I met the first person I ever fell in love with, And while I am not so happy about this...u know that last movie I was talking about. Well that was me.
All tortured and looking for answers.
To this day she still believes I am looking for a man. Doubt she comes to my little world and reads my blogs...So i will say it.
I want her, I want that alternative lifestyle and while I am sure it won't be her that I actually settle down with, because my drama sure fucks things up. I will settle with a nice butch or stud like lady. (hey I like what I like)
Its hard enough having to tell the world... I am queer and I am here.
(But its much harder to convince the person you love that all that shit in the past with the young boys, was me trying not to be GAY. Trying not to be the outcast.
Growing up overweight was hard enough, knowing that your the prettier one but the one with the ugly face and little waist was going to get the date.
Who wants to be the fat gay girl too?
Sex is natural and many will say that he merging of similar bodies is very wrong and will most definitely send you to hell.
But I say... GOD loves me too....even if you don't)
I am very aware of who I like sexually. Who I want to make scream my name? I am at once the lover of all lovers. Not going to you know toot my own horn...But sexually liberated girls like me don't come around everyday....
Its a new year people... GET SEXUAL.. leave behind negative remarks for the stangers on the street. Shag your husbands, your wives, your significant others. Get down in the bedroom people. Its good excersize, produces endorphins and when done just right is world alterting. It pulls us closer together. During those moments of passion we are throwing caution to the wind. Be safe about it because well we have corrupted our world with disease. So use a condom, and dental dams and all that shit Planned Parenthool is trying to teach you.
Don't be afraid of your inner sexual GODDESS. Its time we spent less time researching the sex lives of friends and foe. Be the couple that is shaking down the streets in the late nights. IF your single.. then mingle.
I am all for the holders of the chasity... I am just not that girl. But I respect you too.... get to know yourself.. and when your ready to go for the gusto. I am apart of the bad girls club...but I still got a good heart...
LETS GET NAKED
|
|
Posted by BitterSweetNy on 2008-01-04 15:26:12 | Rating: | Views: 75
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
at least yur not me....i fell in love with my best friend who has no clue im bi and yeah i fell in love with her....sum1 i can never have
|
|
Posted by disapoint3d
on 2008-01-05 00:14:10
|
|
|
|
|
Well, even though it seems like its worse.. We are in the same boat... I know what its like to be with the person that I want, and I can't have her. That actually sucks pretty bad.. KNowing you fucked up...is worse than unrequited love. Hey...brush it off...you are her best friend,a nd even though its hard to love someone you can't have...you have her in and very good way. the kind of way, that can weather your breakups and hers. She will love you unconditionally...that's something that is hard to get with someone who is a lover. Lovers leave, but most times... a really good best friend sticks around. Take my advice, falling in love is already hard, but when you have a good friend to be around..it makes it that much easier...
|
|
Posted by BitterSweetNy
on 2008-01-07 05:47:11
|
|
|
|
|
|
