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| In the Insight of Hindsight...How?
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At the age of nine years old, I found out that I was different from other children. I had the gift of insight. I would be able to in years understand the pain of others through a knowledge that most people do not have. I had come home from a family vacation, my beautiful niece sat next to me in the backseat just four years my junior. She chattered on as my mother stood outside of the car speaking to my older sister. As she collapsed into my older sisters arms, I knew that either my sister on my father's side or my father himself had passed on. I would remember knowing at that instant where that pain derived from. Hours later my mother still in tears, settled to tell me the hardest thing she believed she would ever tell me. My father had died, his heart had stopped. Instead of crying I said “I know mommy. It's okay. We will be fine." She looked at me, not really understanding how it was that I knew what she had not yet told me.
That would not be the last time this eerie sort or revelation would fall at my feet. In the living room of my mother and mine two bedroom apartment, I look at a friend and I asked “Is your father touching you, molesting you?" She would also later tell me and our best friend that yes he was, and what should she do?
The list is not a small list, over my twenty six years; I would be able to tell people. Your mother is going to be sick, you will call again. And to no avail it has happened again. A member of my family is sick, as we huddled in the cold, sterile room of a hospital, they each recall individual conversations in which I had told them, we have to come together for her, or she won't make it. They look upon me with eerie eyes, not more than two years from a date I had told them that our oldest matriarch would die of cancer and they are wondering as I, if this gift is a blessing or a curse?
Now the Urgency of death sits upon my shoulder and I shiver with fear, because again I know, what I am not supposed to know.
Some days I feel as though this knowledge is to protect others from pain, or to at least be able to deal with it. But death and its urgency is not the only things I know, sometimes I know good things. I am not a psychic, nor can I tell the future. Most days it feels like nothing more than incredible insight.
How do we deal with the urgency of knowing? People die its true, and the time at which we die is not chosen by us who are human. If you believe in God, Allah, or even a statue. We never know the shadow of death.
When my friend whose father molested her, asked why I would ask such a question, with shoulders hunched I said, I don't know. I have no idea, but I hope this helps. Later it did help, and the painful conversation that followed gave her someone to confide in and no longer did she feel alone. Maybe it’s so, when that person in my life who suffers the pain of illness now, she can hold out a hand and say...sing to me, or make me laugh, because I know that you have had to deal with the worse of what this is...
I don't want them all crying, i know those are her feelings because I can feel them. Sometimes your tears and your sensativity is just an openness of heart.
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Posted by BitterSweetNy on 2008-02-21 20:48:25 | Rating: | Views: 77
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Wow thats totally errie as you say, but it must be very hard for you too, just to have the gift. It would be hard for me to come 'right out' and tell them the things you did in fear of the repercussions, but you did it and it seemed to go well....your kinda like the Jennifer Love Hewitt in a different manner, lol!! Cool, i love reading your material, not that I am obsessed but you have great insight and you explain everything to a tee!! your kind alike my favorite writer Paulo Coelho - the write of the Alchemist, its simple and gets to the point. You can definitely tell your a writer
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Posted by richnfamous
on 2008-02-22 16:24:21
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