Thoughts.com Blogs - GOOD GIRL GONE MAD

It's time to bleed; to bleed onto the sheets of this chronically dramatic story of two female lovers. Time to move on beyond paper betrayls. It's time I reveal the real misunderstood unbalanced woman that is me. Sickly fatal, gawking love declined in its face. It is the ugly side of love. Tainted with fading memories of touches, caressing, kissing, even calls of true sincere concern. I am the deranged ex that can't seem to see the fucking forest for the trees. Back to back phone calls, and the gall to just appear out of no where to find another reaping the benefits of my many years of love. I am the deranged colored girl who is considering suicide because the fucking rainbow ain't enough. Deployed to the depths of a blank notebook, not even good enough for the meager means of friendship. I am the woman no one will love because I just don't fucking get it. Can’t seem to see the large black bold letters on the fucking wall; I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. The crazy girl is listening to the characters in her head. Once the intricate details of my so vivid imagination imperative parts of my upcoming novel to what is now a living, talking realistic friend. I must hear voices, voices that convince me the love is real, the love is true, and the love is returned. However, I can't say that the I love you’s and sex occasionally didn't fuck me in the first place leading me on. But now that my face does not grace her top eight. I wish I would have just shut the fuck up because now she is gone. My humor left with her. The pathetic entity in which love has turned me...into, some pleading, begging hoe; PIMP slapped, used for her literary savvy. Four years of loving, hurting, and struggling and now that she has made it... I am the nuisance who fucking won't stop calling! I have made myself vulnerable to you the world, so that you can see...when you see me coming. About face, don't stop here! The warning sign sitting up so high, flashing in neon. NO PLEASE MOVE ON. WOMAN WILL GET ATTACHED, WILL NOT ACCEPT NO. I will pull you in with my charismatic ways, sparking fit wit, pretty brown eyes, and oh the sex that I give to you, everyone has told me...Boo... you really can do that thing you do. You love me just a little bit and I will love you back ten fold, but shit I don't know when to let go. Hanging on to her foot, her leg constantly wagging back and forth, doing her best to shake me. Strategic movements to avoid the crying, the look on my face. Back down bitch she snarls through a heavy nose. A literal interpretation of what the fuck she said last night when she told me I didn't deserve any last words. Don't say she is a fool or a harsh person or even mean. She just has had enough of me. Suddenly the vision that stares back as I see my reflection shames me. When did my sane and stable mine become a distortion of reality. I really thought she still loved me because I was still her boo. Tracking down old beliefs trying to get back something that wasn't so good. You treated me bad she would say, but I didn't. Just didn't know how to love her right. Hate to say that I would beg my way back. Good thing for her she hates me.
This story just got an ending....

GOOD GIRL GONE MAD