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Good day all of my friends out there... SO today is the day I am set to go home. I have good news to add to all of this as well. The car is still there, its fine. My mother has been checking on it, since the town we live in is so darn small. I must say that I am grateful for this, which then reminds me that my mother is the best mother there is. Yes she enables me a little bit and still gives her baby all that she could want and desire, but she is my love bug. I look just like her, talk like her, damn near am her genetic twin. You would think I was crazy to say that I look exactly like both my parents. My poor father my he rest in peace, looks a lot like my moms. I miss my daddy alot of days. He slacked away the last several years of his life gambling and smoking crack and the such. I sometimes just wish I could ask him, daddy when do you know the rock has hit you and bottom is so far up that your reaching for just plain air. I know that is an odd question to ask the man, but hey...it was his lifestyle. Even though my father has been dead since I was nine years old. I feel incredibly close to him. I know that sounds crazy, but I do. I feel so freaking close to him. He is the type of soul that lingers within you. It's strange the gift of insight that I have, but he was the first time I ever had to use it. I still feel close to him. When I moved into my first apartment, he came to see me. Sat on my bed the entire night, he was with someone else...a man. I still wish I knew who it was, but he said. "Look at my baby, she is going to be okay." Wow, I know its weird but it really happened. I am a sensative. I can't really help it. I feel things to an extent that could be dangerous. Yet something out there protects me. I am okay you know. Things are a little frustrating, but I can always tell that I am going to be okay. It's that light. I like to think it's my daddy watching over me, and maybe it is. GOd needs his helpers right. My mom, the saint angel that she is, maybe not all that but, a good person none the less. I love you mom. I honestly don't think that I say that enough to her. I really do adore her. We don't always agree, or maybe its just that we crash heads.
Okay so I went off on a thirty minute parent tangent, and that is totally not what I was wanting to rant on and on about. So, the nicotine. Today is day one and half, because I had like two drags of a cigarette yesterday. Bummed one off this man on the way to the Mall with the INfamous Ex. She made me want a cigarette so bad, but that is her way. I know she can't help being who she is most days. But in the end I just through the thing down, totally un fazed by the smoke or any of that. I think I am really just over the nasty ass things. Which makes me one happy chica. I mean a really happy chica. Now to give up the nasty burgers of this life time, each better and run away from the infamous ex. But I don't have to do that. God speaks to me loud and clear. I pray, and I have already given those thoughts over to him. My tears are healing waters for me. Each time I shed a tear, a feeling of that frustration does fall away. As far as these cigarettes. I just pray to God that he show me the way, away from those things. But all that coughing and not being able to walk were the signs that I understood loud and clear. Oh it's hard, not having the cigarettes. But I swear it would be harder to lose five dollars every three days to feed this habit when I am not even making five dollars a day. Now you see, I know that GOD has a plan, and sometimes it's hard for me to see, yet others remind me how bright the light will shine when the time is right.
This blog has left the building...so I am going to leave it raw because I will probably delete it....
Have a good day |
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Posted by BitterSweetNy on 2008-04-22 13:44:33 | Rating: | Views: 74
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Awesome... good to know that you are listening. Sometimes it is hard to understand the true master plan. Just keep following the light and you will see.
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Posted by Nubian
on 2008-04-23 17:21:18
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