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So easy

Greetings Thoughtsharers
Even when they don't make much sense and maybe only one person sees them, I'm learning to really like sharing my thoughts. At least they are not just taking up space in my own mind.

I woke up this morning with the song ‘So Easy To Love You’ in my spirit. It was funny because I was thinking how difficult it was to love Him, not because of Him, but because of me. No matter how I try, it seems like I somehow continuously miss the mark of trusting Him, depending on Him, loving Him, and obeying Him. Yet my spirit finds it easy to love Him because there is no ‘fleshly desires, doubts, or obstacles’ blocking the communion of love between my spirit and Jesus. There are no past due bills, overweight bodies, unfulfilling jobs, passionless relationships, moneyless wallets and accounts hindering my spirit from loving Him. These types of contradictions plague me all the time – trying to find and rest in the delicate balance of loving Him, losing myself, existing to love others and living abundantly. I

For some reason in this season I am in (and it’s lasting quite a bit longer than I think is necessary), I’m questioning and examining every single thing and every single person in my life. I’m checking my motives, my purpose, my heart trying to get understanding and enlightenment. Trying to get why I do what I do, for whom and at what cost. Nothing is satisfying right now and I know it’s me. This doesn’t mean that there are things that could not change in my life, or people for that matter, it just means that the source of discontentment, of uneasiness, is in me.

So today, this wonderful day that the Lord has made, this day that the sun is shining, and the sky is clear, I’m pondering and puttering around in my cloudy mind – how can I love Him better and in turn learn to love myself more so that I would be so completely filled with love that it can’t help but to spill out and affect whomever I come in contact with this day.