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morals vs. dating

IF YOU FEEL UNAPPRECIATED IN THE DATING WORLD, OR IF YOU FEEL CONFUSED ABOUT WHY YOU FEEL UNWANTED, then this could be the blog for you.

Hopefully the title of my blog caught the right person's eyes. Meaning the eye's of girls that know how I feel and need someone to relate to or the eye's of young men out there just to hear my point of view.

The reason I want to blog about feeling unwanted is simple. When I was in high school, I was always wanted by guys. (Don't roll your eyes.. keep reading) Girls hated me. Called me skinny b*tch, they were always mad at me.. some because their boyfriends were previously mine before I dumped them. And all the preppy girls gave me evil glares. I talked to the girls that excepted me and they were usually the pretty ones that were trouble makers.

I was definantly my own self though.. I was one of those people that weren't in a clique. I floated around outside my group of best friends and was never comfortable with lunch period because I didn't know where I was going to sit and it would never fill a whole table. I made friends with the wrong people (outside of my longterm friends). My aunt was right - I made friends with who ever was accepting me. I dated the losers because I thought they were cute, regardless of how ghetto they were or how lame and wimpy they were or how much trouble they got in. Really - I had no brain bumpers for "bad news" boys. But.. I felt wanted all my years of High School by guys.

Let's fast forward to my point. I'm going to be really honest here because - well first because I know I don't have to worry about who reads this because you all don't know who I am, and second because this should be a place where I can come and write my thoughts and emotions without holding back and all criticism aside. So.

I'm older now. Not enough to be married but not young enough to be irresponsible. I have a lot more self respect. I have a lot more of a defensive attitude. (When needed). I have a lot more guidelines and morals for myself. I'm proud of who I am, I truly am. I'm happy. But what is hard for me right now is rejection. Accepting that these men or guys that I've let into my life and cared about have no interest in me after they find out how I really am.

I'm not talking about me meeting a guy and it goes great with flirting and movies and making out and then BAM! they get to know me and I have a sucky personality. No. I'm talking about people that I stay up till 5 in the morning with on the phone. Guys that seem to truly care. Guys that are amazed there are "still girls like me". But honestly.. after getting to know these guys after long talks on the phone and a few dates or hangouts.. it's just not there. Atleast, they back out.. they don't return calls, they don't return texts. And mind you - I'm talking about guys that I was friends with first. And this is over a good span of time. I'm not the obsessive clingy type. In fact, I consider me to be the type of chick that you can just chill with and if you need me, I'm ride or die! lol. Really though, I think that I am a great catch and everyone I would ask would tell you that.

So what is it exactly that has caused one guy after another for the past year or so to reject me.. ignore me.. stand me up.. or just plain not follow through? I think I know what it is and yea.. it's unfair but... here goes..

After high school.. I changed. I grew up. And I started to get to know myself. I got more serious about decisions and what I wanted. I'm a happy girl but I can be very serious and determined about my morals. (Friends used to say I needed to loosen up - and so I learned to). But after the past few years.. I've definantly clutched on to my morals and built a podium of self respect right in front of me for anyone who looked enough to see that podium and either take it or leave it.

Maybe too defensive huh?

I've learned to tone that down too.

But even so.. in the past year I've gotten to know some great guys. They, to me, were truly wonderful people that I felt blessed to know. In the past few weeks - my mindset is changing about all that though. I've learned these guys I met over time are not really there for me. See.. once I got to know these guys and we started to share private things and secrets and thought you share with people you start to date.. it would start to fade from there. I've been really confused as to why. My friends say they are intimidated, but I know what the real reason is for most of them.

Explain this to me...

I'm a great girlfriend. I could give you my ex's numbers as references. I have a lot to offer. I'm compassionate and understanding. I listen and I focus on being a supportive person towards people I know. I have faith in God and Jesus. I try to be positive. I love to dance. I love to get dressed up for my guy. I love to keep distance, because missing your significant other is a good feeling. I love being romantic and sexy. I love being dorky. I'm old fashioned but I'm real. I mean, the list could go on and on. But I noticed that these guys I'd date or talk to.. they would be very into me. Very attracted to me. Perhaps too much at times. But once they got to know me.. and my morals that I stand by.. they would start to leave me alone.

That's hurtful.

Now - some of you are probably thinking, "Girlfriend, it's for the best!". But MAN - it can be hurtful when you share who you are with someone and then they find out the following and bail on you...

My morals that scare guys away (listing is probably not the best way to talk about them but whatever):

1. I don't smoke and I'm allergic so you can't smoke around me. This makes me feel like an annoyance or burden.
2. I don't drink and haven't tasted alcohol since I was 16. Yah. But I've proved I'm still lots of fun.
3. I refuse to be with someone that does drugs and I consider weed under that category also. So that cuts the list down real short. So be it! I prefer it.
4. I haven't had sex since I was 18 when I vowed not to because I knew God didn't want me to. (This one is the deal breaker as you can imagine).
5. I don't like to cuss a lot and when people find that out about me they literally APOLOGIZE to me when they do cuss and it really bothers me that they do that. I'm not your Mom?!
6. I have to date a Christian.

I guess these things are intimidating to guys or people. I guess it makes them feel not on the same page with me. But I want to shout on a mountain top that this stuff doesn't make me perfect or proud or better then you. If I want a guy, I want him for who he is. Have I been interested in the right people for me? No. But I have a had love for them as a person whole heartedly??? YES! And that's why it's so hurtful and hard to accept that these guys are rejecting me because I don't have sex. That's the main reason.

So .. you get the morals straight as you get older. Get your ducks in a row without losing who you truly are and being real about yourself and your faith. You meet some "great" guys that hurt you .. one after another.. and btw I don't make myself vulnerable. But I get dissappointed and hurt and confused and mad because I feel thrown to the side by them and you can IMAGINE MY DISCOURAGEMENT (for a few moments I have discouragement) when this thought comes across my mind:

"I don't get it. I'm a great catch. I'm attractive. I'm a "good girl". I have so much to offer? I'd improve their life if anything! How come they dont want me? I thought they'd be excited to spend time with me and here they are ditching me?"

It weighs pretty heavy on the self confidence. And I know.. I know I know.. the right guy will come along. I'm just sad that it's taking as long as it is and I'm sad that I get hurt in the process.

I just wanted to express how it's wrong for me to be everything a guy wants (so they tell me) and then drop off the face of the earth once they hear I don't have sex. And I'm talking about people that really did care. It's messed up. Like the no sex issue outweighed the good.

*SIGH*

Please.. comment or write if you can.

The support helps.

Thanks.

God bless

Posted by BBMack on 2009-07-03 23:39:11 | Rating:

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Seriously, I know that there has got to be a guy out there for you. The perfect guy just hasn't come along yet. If nothing else you'll get great friends by having such an awesome personality. Question; do girls still hate you? ~Shaelee

Posted by shaelee on 2009-07-04 04:53:15

Hi Shaelee -
Girls dont hate me anymore. I'm pretty liked by them now. Thank God. Why'd you ask?

Posted by BBMack on 2009-07-07 23:04:14

Wow. This is a lot to throw out there... It seems like you have some issues with your self-image; not in a physical sense, but more in a social and emotional sense.
First off, you have nothing to prove except to Jesus Himself. You claim to have this belief and trust in Him, but you put so much effort into it by yourself. Not once have you said anything about prayer or giving it to God. All of these self-proclaimed and prideful morals aren't going to help you find the right guy. If you won't trust the right person (Jesus) to guide you, you won't find the right guy.
To be completely honest, there are no where NEAR enough great guys out there; especially the God-fearing kind. They are looking for quick and easy- especially if you're in the range of late teens to mid 20's. And that's that! If you are really looking for a long-term relationship with the right guy, and you want a guy who also loves and reveres the Lord, you won't find it by searching for it like it's life or death. I humbly suggest that you seriously deal with your spiritual issues before you even consider a relationship, otherwise you won't be the considerable kind of girl to date or wife you'd like to be in the future. With all of your feelings and thoughts of relationships tossed to the side, the Lord will help you find the right one if you let Him. Hope this gives you some perspective. (This is coming from a 25 yo girl who's been there, done that, and married a great guy who loves Jesus... it's not much, but it's for starters.)

Posted by selah916 on 2009-07-05 14:09:50

Well thanks - but Idk how you could diagnose me with issues so quick. I was expressing my frustration with the fact that I'm lonely because guys want nothing to do with moralistic girls. And IDK how to have a relationship with Jesus, outside of short prayer and trying to learn, to be honest. I'm trying to figure that out. But thanks for your insight. It's appreciated.

Posted by BBMack on 2009-07-07 23:07:31

ps - your going to start to feel insecure if time after time guys arent interested when they used to be, very much so, before the morals. I'd rather do what God and Jesus want me to do before these guys anyhow so it doesnt really matter. It's just hard some times.

Posted by BBMack on 2009-07-07 23:09:00