Thoughts.com Blogs

Life sucks the life out of me I’ve been wandering for days,
Crying is setting it free, was no good for me anyway.

Too true, working through this "life" is something that we can all take for granted or we can overlook or even just plain hate. I am sure we have all been in one of these 3 states at one time or another through our time. 2008 sees me hit the big three zero and it’s a daunting prospect. Realising that your adolescence is really now behind you (and actually has been for some time) and things really should be falling into place - career, relationships etc etc. So what do I know now? Well adolescence in essence is all about trust... but is that trust in you or trust in others? The last few years have been serious, a marriage, an amazing daughter, a divorce but when all is said and done I am scared to hell of what’s "next" but also keen to find out.

From my view, with the hay days to come, you wait a little bit.
If you sow then you know what you’re gonna get.

My concern is that what has happened in my 20's will ultimately decide the way my 30's go. Now I know you never know what’s around the corner, but I also generally know stuff doesn't normally "happen" when you least expect it. So if you sow then you know what you're going to get hopefully rings true but how can you be sure that you are sowing correctly? Trust in yourself? Trust in others around?

I settle, I decide, I reconsider
Tell me, is there any other way?

Once you are sowing there is always the feeling of "am I doing the right thing?". Emotions at present are shot to hell, having your world turned upside down and your heart broken for no reason as far as you can see is hard to deal with. Trying to work through this to find the trust in yourself and others to start rebuilding a life is a challenge. Bottom line if it’s lonely at the top then it’s as lonely at the bottom.

I need my life serene I watch it stitch us all
I scream out for the unseen
Shine on this morning, everybody’s running
Is there anybody else on this road… on my way?

{Lyrics by Bjorn Lodin from the Baltimoore album "X"}