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Cheated

I’ve been feeling empty lately.
Unhappy about my daily routines.
I still run and practice my martial arts but it feels like something is missing. That fire I had, the fire that drove me threw all the hardships in life just seemed to have vanished.
When I was living on my own, it was difficult and I was always moving. Doing something, fighting something but now there is nothing to fight.
Now I live in a comfy house that needs nothing to be fixed, nothing to be cleaned, nothing to be done that has already been done.
I feel like I’ve grown soft, delicate, all the things I didn’t want to be.

Now I learn that I’ve been cheated on and it just proves how soft I have gotten, how hurt I was when I found out with out him telling me. He told me he was just working late at the school but I found he had been seeing one of his prime students, just like he did with me. I knew there was a possibility that he was a man like that but I still grew attached to him. At first I denied it and let it slip through my grasp but then one night when he came home late smelling of some other girls scent. As he unzipped his coat an image flashed in my mind of another girl unzipping it for him.
Then everything came back to me.
That fire that had gone missing was reawakened and my heart was not broken anymore.
Why should I feel hurt over a cheating man who didn’t have the balls to tell me and let me go.
Instead of wasting my time.
I thought and thought about it as I sat home alone and I found that edge that was missing.
I was such a fool, almost letting something like this just slip right past me like a coward.
I confronted him and told him I was leaving.
He didn’t want me too and for a second I almost with held but something in my mind told me he wasn’t sincere. I knew he was cheating and although he said he would stop I can’t believe it, he says he doesn’t know why he cheated but I know. It’s the thrill.
We both formed a relationship because of the thrill of a TeacherxStudent relationship and it’s the same thing. He cheated with a girl who was the same as me, she followed his coaching advice and did everything for him. I did the same dance and I see how foolish it was to do so, how foolish it was to keep on going with the dance knowing that it wouldn’t last.
At first I hoped he was different but I knew he wasn’t.
Lust was all we had and now that it’s gone we have nothing together.
So why stay knowing that?.

I’m leaving for London on the 5th and I’m going to continue my education and my life.
It was fun while it lasted but I feel like Ive cheated myself out on something better.

Posted by AsagaoAiYuki on 2009-10-03 15:19:04 | Rating: