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i don't know why i am thinking about it; actually, i do. it is just that time of year again and it seems that no matter how much time has passed, it is still something that i think about especially this time of the year.
my dad died about 7 years ago and then 13 months later, my mom died. the hardest part of that was leaving them there, buried under all that cold earth. i just left them there. not that i had a choice, that's where they both wanted to be when they died (didn't want to be cremated). but walking away from their graves and leaving them just seemed wrong. like i was burying something that i didn't want to look at or deal with. i wonder if other people feel that way when they bury someone they love.
anyway, the fall brings one event after another that makes me face their deaths. dad's b-day is in september which happens to be the same month he died. same for mom, only in november. then my oldest son's b-day, thanksgiving, christmas, then my youngest son's b-day. last year wasn't too bad; i don't even think i cried. but the funny thing about grief is you never know when it will hit or what will trigger it.
one day not too long ago, i was waiting at a red light in my car. to my left, i see an older man in a pick-up truck with a little long haired, blonde girl and i just started crying. it so reminded me of my dad and going places with him on early saturday mornings. just made me miss him i guess.
i don't even know where i am going with this. i felt the emotion building in me and i don't want to face it b/c some pains just run to deep; i hoped that writing it out would help.
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Posted by Arik on 2007-10-27 19:10:57 | Rating: | Views: 93
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I'm sorry for your loss, in January, it'll be 8 years I lost my dad, and It still hurts as if it was just yesterday that it happened. I guess its the thought of never seeing him again or hearing his voice. My only comfort is dreaming about him, it feels like its almost real.
Did either of your parents know your children? my dad died when my first son was only 4 months old. I sometimes see men that somewhat look like my dad and i get emotional too. I had barely turned 19 when he died.
Take comfort in knowing one day you guys will be reunited again, and I know that it hurts walking away from where they were buried, but try to remember that there in a much better place, they are probably happier than we are. Thats just there physical being that remains...nothing more.
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Posted by egmujica
on 2007-10-27 19:34:27
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hi arik!
seasons remind you of life because life is like the seasons. or like the phases of the moon - they come and go or wax and wane. it's a cycle. that is all. time passes for us all. you're ok, maybe just thinkin' too much for now. when you're feeling better you can better afront these feelings, no?
:o)
cheers!
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-10-27 21:00:16
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