His spirit went away when I started wondering if I was a witch for doing this astral projection to be with him. I began to feel dark and rotten as I was searching my soul and the universe for answers. I had been a Southern Baptist since high school. I had always questioned it, because every time I sat through a sermon, I felt condemned as I was trying to run out at the end. The astral thing has been going on for 5 years since the two weeks after I first talked to the married man that I crave so. I think I repulsed him with my inquiry into myself and the astral. I guess I would have to harden my heart toward God and a hard, cold heart isn't very welcoming. Maybe God is trying to protect me or did he give up a long time ago.

I think he gave up when I prayed to satan to have this man's baby. I know that is the most stupid thing to do. I was just desparate that day. God wasn't giving me what I wanted (this man or a child) so out of frustration I went to the anti-god. It scared me later because the altar I was praying over broke in half. I laughed as it broke though.

I think a broken altar means the prayer won't be answered that God was saving me from myself and the married man. Or it means reversal of what was prayed for. I feel extremely stupid for messing with satan and betraying God in that way. Or I could just be stuck in this astral plane screwing this man thinking I will get pregnant. Like the immaculate conception

Now I am thinking of becoming Catholic so I can confess ever so often to a priest. I confess straight to Jesus through prayer and He fills my heart with joy. The high doesn't last that long. I need to be stable in word and deed not all these feelings I have. I will pray for forgiveness to God over the praying to satan.
I will ask God for Him to stop the astral relationship and for me to stop walking the astral plane. Yes people the astral got too scary last night and I want freedom from it all, as I am sure the married man does, too. It is time. I will ask God.

Thanks ~ Aquaeyes