People will continue to believe what they have been dished out and brainwashed to imagine. And he will not cease telling lies to the world. Why have I been expecting humane kindness and mercy from him? Why didn’t I know earlier that he has been a beast all along– trying to ruin me at every extra minute that he is going to live? Why isn’t he going to let me reincarnate?

I aspire to live. I desire freedom. I hope for peace. Do I not deserve a second chance? Not at all? When God has stopped showing me mercy what can a human being, a mere creation of his do? Is someone out there to stand up for me? Anyone at all? Will there never be a single person in this world who will understand and believe me?

I don’t want to drop down in my knees and continue weeping in desperation, helplessness and self-pity. I desire to fight for my freedom. I wish to accomplish justice - to show everyone the light. I want everyone to know the truth. I want to get out of my room and fight for myself. I cannot go on walking my path out there with my eyes lowered and fixed to the ground – without the power to face anyone or look in the eyes of people – carrying the heavy burden of imposed shame that doesn’t belong to me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I never tried to harm him or anyone. Yet God has endowed upon me this; and he will go on vengefully harming me. His perpetual thirsty quest for vengeance will erode my peace along the way.

Why am I being still kept alive in this condition? I have seen, heard and felt enough of this world. I am exhausted of the supposed tests the Almighty has been putting me through. I need at least a break, if not an escape. He will continue damaging me and I won’t be able to protest. And I will continue being broken and damaged. I won’t be able to protect myself. I can never forgive him. But I want to forget – the pain, the fear, the shame, the isolation – all that he has gifted me. I want an ounce of relief. (I don't know whether my struggle will be fruitless.) Until then, I can’t live without hating my life.