Although this is my first post on my new name, I am not new to thoughts.  Ive been on here for awhile but my other name was causing me problems with my login.  Very strange.

Anyhow...

My life isnt as messy as it could be.  I knew people who are worse off than I am right now in every aspect.  But I feel the need to ramble today.

I have been dating a man for 5 years.  We are engaged and most of the time everything is great.  Our relationship is not your normal one by any means but that is just the way we are.  I love him so so much and no one could ever replace him.  EVER!  But recently I have been such a mean person and I cant seem to stop.  I yell at him constantly and just pick pick pick on everything he does.  Its not fair to him but sometimes he drives me to that.

The little things he does makes me want to just scream!!  I dont want to break up with him, I just want some help sometimes.  And I dont expect him to do tons of stuff around the house, but throwing in a load of laundry would be nice considering the amount that is laying on the floor waiting for me to do.

And at least have the common curtosy to pick up after yourself after I have cleaned the house.  You want to leave it a mess all day when Im not home GO FOR IT!  But you know what time I get home so why dont you just get up and straighten up a little bit so I dont come home to a nasty house!

Little things like that just really get to me.  It wouldnt be so bad if I wasnt already stressed out from other things though.  Its just the icing on the cake.

And I cant tell you when the last time we actually went to bed together was....cant recall.  I do know that if hes lacking intimacy, he will go to bed...fucked up.