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Paraphrasing Bob Hoskins

I’m going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and decide that I can write for my blog this evening as I’ve just taken a scene of the thriller to a satisfactory conclusion. Perhaps this can be my new regime: half an hour of rigorous plotting followed by thirty minutes’ self-indulgent piffle. But I shall get to the point sharpish for a change.

Way back when, I can’t remember if it was the nineties or earlier, British Telecom used the slogan ‘It’s good to talk’ in their ad campaign, Bob Hoskins growling mawkishly after some touching scene or other if memory serves me well (which it often doesn’t). And it is. Chatting is pleasant, passing the time of day makes that day a little nicer. Deep and meaningful conversations improve blood circulation to the brain. (I made that up, but I can’t see why it can’t be true.)

We have more ways to keep in touch than at any time in history. We have mobile phones, e-mail, texts, online networking. Despite the best efforts of the Post Office to drive the practice into extinction, some of us still write letters. It’s good to hear from friends. It makes us feel part of something, makes us feel valued.

So why do I feel that we are deluding ourselves? We think this is the age of instant communication but it’s almost the opposite. We have more ways then ever of getting in touch with people with the result that we make less of an effort. Before, you had to try really hard to keep a friendship going as time and distance intervened. Now we just add people to our friends on Facebook and pretend that counts.

Let me give an example (and this might sound like I’m having a dig at some people I know, but… no, it’s a valid point and I’m going to make it). Recently I’ve found that people don’t say thank you any more. I’ve sent things to people, only tokens, but I’ve seen something and thought it might make someone smile. I’ve written a short letter, popped it in the post box and… nothing. I don’t know if the letters reached their destination. I don’t know if they went straight in the bin if they did. Maybe they got there safely, maybe they did make someone smile. I don’t know. They never told me.

Is it so hard to send a text or an e-mail? I’m not expecting people to pick up the phone or turn up on the doorstep, God knows I rarely do because most of my friendships have atrophied through geography and the passing of years so badly that I’m scared to call in case it’s a bad time. But it would be nice if thinking fondly of someone enough to try to stay in touch could be reciprocated from time to time.

I have a friend of another, older generation, who believes, as I do, that saying thank you is simple courtesy. If no thanks are forthcoming, no more gifts are sent. There are children who don’t get Christmas presents any more because their parents haven’t bothered to teach them manners. That’s not mean, that’s fair: old age pensions don’t stretch far these days and a fiver in a card is worth more to her than to some spoilt kid with a new Wii. She doesn’t want effusive gratitude. A scrawled thank you note or a two minute phone call would suffice. People think they’re too busy for politeness, let alone sparing time for the elderly, but that’s another post altogether.

I’m not trying to guilt trip anyone into staying in touch with me. I just wish modern communication had more substance.

It’s good to have friends, but it’s better to keep them.