| View Blog
|
|
|
|
Something hapened yesterday. I hit another low. REAL low. Feeling i'm hitting another level of rock bottom. But every time i get stability under my feet, the ground gives way, and i've hit a new low. When i get the eneergy to finally pul myself al the way out, someone pushes me back in and the ground gives way once more and i fall deeper, and deeper...i fear one day the impact will kill me....Wishing for death again. For some vodka and some pills. Had a crazy thought as i walked home yesteray to the train....faatasized that i looked back and my friend was there, the persistent one who saved me once, and i smile and wave and throw my bag down and bolt out into traffic. the results are instantaneuous. I fly into the air, bones broken, by smoe miracle my ipod is still in my ears blastin apologize as they rush to me.....i'm still conscious....i smile and cough blood and die in blinding pain. That fantasy made me smile. Made me walk faster so i wouldn't be tempted. Almost feircly wish i had done it now. I fell there are two of me now; the old one, loud and proud and never shy, the one they might've liked if she wasnt so dam aggressive, and the new one, who ' s so oppressed by her environment she suppresses the old one, and is depressed and angry. Te old one is retaliating. She wants her spotlight back, but the new one is terrified. The old one shines through when others give her attention and the new one is disgusted. Plunges her deeper into the well. The old one is dying. The new one is killing her....
|
|
Posted by Angel_BM21 on 2008-02-07 11:02:32 | Rating: | Views: 82
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
