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Okay so, i'm startin a blog. Who tha hell knows why, it's not like anyone's gunna actually READ this shit, but hey, i'ma artist and a writer and if i keep this clutter locked up in my soul i feel i may just spontaneously combust. So much shit is goin on that i cant control...i feel ive aptly named myself ABM-Angel been murdered after my first dark revelation. I'll post it latr on- i gotta find it but n e ways this is the low down so far: i'm distancing myself from my former friends b/c they inadvertantly make me fel like shit. I love and hate them; i'm a fuking beast compared to them, all skinny and tiny and curvy as all fukin hell. They dont mean to, but they make me feel like absolute shit. ANd i'm not a prissy lil pussy either, but my emotions can be overly...passionate. extensive. sensitive. On more than one occassion i've been the "white" girl cuz i use big wrdz and i dont speak like a fukin retard. I call it ebonics and pride myself on being an educated yung black woman, but goddamn it sumtimez i feel like the outcast cuz i dont speak stupid and i dont like 2 party. O and they can dance 2, lil sluts. I love them, i do, but they just dont know how horrible i feel after hanging with them...like i'm jus not up 2 "blak" par.
Like yesterday, i was fine in chem, 1st period, but then break and third period rolled around n i started 2 feel kinda shitty; i dont even noe why i was jus suddenly so depressed like the only thing i ever wanted to do ever again 4 the rest of my life was curl up ina ball and sleep and cry, like sum abnormal babay....i went 2 sawyer and fell asleep on the bench after lunch, didnt even really stay all the way through lunch jus kiinda left. I'm asleep and i'm thinnking like i do WAY too much, and suddenly i feel like im gunna burst. I go to the bathroom and i jus cry. DOnt noe y i just started crying silently in the bathroom as kidz hurried to their classes. Then i clean up, and go back to lay down, inadvertantly missin gym class. Tha gym teacher cumz up and i'm madd kool with him but he'z all madd, y r u sleepinig through my class n im soo tired and sooo sadd...i jus kinda blow him off n keep sleepin. Then he says detentionn and leaves and i ran off to the ms girlz bathroom and i jus started BALLIN. like, i've neva cried that hard except when im in physical pain...i dont noe why i started crying, only that i started ballin halfway through cuz i thought about my ferret thatdied over the summa. And FUK U if u think that's shallow, crying over a silly little pet but my ferret was my baby. I loved him like he came of my breast and womb; he slept wiht me, i played with him, talked 2 him; he alwyas understood. He had a look for every type of problem. ANd he just knew, he'd nip my hand and stare @ me with those shiny black eyes and i knew he got it, he wudnt make of me like so many others did....when i lost him i was tore up, and i told no one. b/c no one wud care and i knew this. 2 them, he was just a silly little pet. but to me, he was my baby, i rescued him from a shitty home and he rescued me from mine...made me actually want to come home. ANyways, i start rememberin those beady eyes and those playful nips and i just started to ball like i had lost him all over again. I must;ve been in that stall alone for twenty minutes unntil the bell rang and i had 2 pull myself 2getha for class...
there r very few ppl who get me, and even they dont relly get me. But one of them is alwyas there when i feel like shit and im always there 4 her when she needz it, so im tryna gravitate her way...plus she hangz with the gothic psychotic rebels i so adore, so i feel myslef smiling slowly, inwardly...
the case begins to unfold...
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Posted by Angel_BM21 on 2007-11-02 16:29:11 | Rating: | Views: 86
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