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Woohoo, a 4th update! I'm getting good at this!

The weekend is here, at last. Even though my week has only been 4 days long, I'm still eagerly awaiting it.

I was supposed to go to a party tonight at my old school, but I overslept(meaning I'm really tired) and I can't really deal with going that far way, then seeing a MILLION people, spending money, dancing one dance or two, and then going home again. It seems my evening could be better spent with relaxing at home, de-stressing, eating some cake and watching a good movie. Oh, and maybe doing something.

Yet I feel that I'm letting myself down by not going - I love parties, I love going out with my friends, but I just don't feel like it today. Also, I have to go visit my brother tomorrow, in his new place. Which my parents fully helped him move in to, paint and so on. *looks around my room* how much help did I get? Grrr.

Yes, this is a continuing issue of mine. My parents greatfly prefer my brother and do nothing to hide it. They constitute two of the reasons I*m moving; a) I can't stay and see this happenning anymore, parents SHOULDN'T play favourites, at least not this obviously, and b) I need to do something my brother can never compare to. Sure, he's gonna get a phd, but I'm moving 15000km away. Oh who am I kidding, I've still lost. I really never will win. He's 3 years older, everything I do will only EVER come second to what he's already done. My parents never say they're proud of me, or anything to the likes. They never do anything to show this. My brother though, always gets high praise from both parents when we're with other people. "Ooh, Alex did this, Alex did that, Alex is so smart, Alex is so wonderful, Alex is so easy.."

Damnit, I went through High School and completed classes I had NO help with, I've chosen my own path in life, I've kept jobs for a long time, I've conquered a mental illness. I've got a bad allergy and can't eat certain foods, I've got chronic illnesses, I'll have arthritis before long, I've decided to move out of a comfort zone and travel around the world - ALONE. Everything I've got in my life, I've worked hard for and I've done it alone. Damnit, I demand credit where credit is due!

Many people I know respect me and look up to me for being so strong - what they don't understand is that I'm not strong by choice, I'm only strong because I had to be. Something had to give, I've been at that point in my life many times, and I made sacrifices. So yes, I am strong, but I wish I weren't. Not because it's a bad trait, but because what it cost me to get here.

Nobody's on nobody's side.

I know now, that I will have to fight alone, and that's what I expect. I don't expect any help from anyone, I only expect that humans are as humans are(d'uh Toad), greddy, selfish, idiotic, stupid, cynical and uncaring. That is just how our world is.

Now I've had lunch, got 3 hours left of work and then I gotta run past the bank. *sigh*

And then I'll have to figure out what to do with tonight.

Laters peoples.

Update 13.40: protip, if you burn your tongue, don't eat an orange. Ow.

Update 16.51: Home at last. Roommate was on the same station as I left from, we went with the same trains home and she ignored me the whole way.
I managed to get to the bank, woohoo :D
I decided to stay at home, and I want something om nom for dinner, but I don't know what..

Posted by AngelKitty on 2009-11-06 06:25:40 | Rating: