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i tried to fix things in my life by getting rid of people who just cause stress and treat me like shit. logically it made perfect sense. after having so many friendships end badly it just seemed like i needed to stop putting myself through the same thing over and over. But now, as i sit here everyday by myself, i never go out and do anything, because of my money issues but also because i have no one left in my life. I have my best friend and her fiance and we go out to the cheap movies sometimes, but their busy working full time now. That's it, i really don't consider anyone else my friend. that's how crappy the people in my life were, it wasn't just one or two people it was all of them. on the positive side, that i'm desperately trying to see, i'm not fighting with anyone, i don't have drama, the stress level is down. But right now i'm trying to figure out what i do have. i'm really not sure. i have a very tainted view of relationships, i don't know what it's like for something to last for a while, i'm only used the the "letting go" part, where i have to give up all the good times too just so the bad things will stop. i think about all my past friendships that have ended pretty recently... do i miss those people? i guess in a way i do, there's things i wish i could change but i can't. some of the things they chose to do or say, i have no power over, that was their choice and it's my choice to stay away from these people now. you can't change someone no matter how much you may want to. just like you can't rewind your life. i guess i'm wondering if it's better just to have someone to talk to and hang out with even though you don't have the best relationship with them or if it's better to be alone? keeping these people out of my life feels like an accomplishment in a way because in the past i've always fallen back into the same trap because i was bored. now as more time passes it makes me feel better. i've sat here all day wondering what they think of me now though. do they hate me? do they wish we were friends? do they trash talk me whenever i'm mentioned? i guess i don't get to find out those things. |
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Posted by Angel125664 on 2008-07-21 16:40:32 | Rating: | Views: 31
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Wow um I don't know who you are, and I don't even have any blogs yet of my own so I was checking some out, but honestly, word for word, those are exactly the thoughts that run through my head.
I didn't know that other people had to go through it too....
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Posted by scattrdthghts
on 2008-07-27 00:03:32
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