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So much has been happening.
I had come to a peace about my work, and decided to find joy in the day to day.
Then on Halloween, after I got back from taking my children trick or treating Dan called me from the hospital and told me that he had given his resignation. Not only that, but that he is moving back to Florida at the end of the month - without a job, to move in with his parents until he finds a job.
What about our family? What about our plan? He says he is very unhappy in North Carolina and he has to get out.
What about us? What about me? What about the boys?
I have so many questions. With me working during the day and he at night, it's been very diffucult to talk. This weekend we have the entire weekend to ourselves. The boys are spending it with their father.
I thought we were closer than this. I feel like I can't trust him now.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am so sick of THE BOTTOM FALLING OUT on so many things in my life.
I feel completely alone in this world.
I feel like it is me and my kids against the world. Does anyone know what thats like?
The past 5 years have been so trying and FULL of tragedy, turmoil, and depression. As soon as I feel like I'm on an upswing, I get the rung yanked out from under my feet.
What do I do now? Where do I go?
I'm always the responsible one.
I'm sure I'll continue on at the hospital. Pay my bills. Put food on the table. And go along in my medicore life with a half witted smile. Because that's what I do.
I take care of things.
I cry in the shower and think of all the coulda, shoulda, woulda's. Then I wipe my tears, pull myself together and move on.
I'd join the Peace Core, but they won't let you take children.
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Posted by Ana_stacia on 2007-11-03 04:21:04 | Rating: | Views: 87
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Wow. You're a very strong person. My mom is kinda' going through the same situation with my dad living in another city with this other lady. God bless you and keep you strong.
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Posted by SubTomato
on 2007-11-03 05:31:25
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hi ana!
wow! i think your strength and resolution are inspiring! if this dude is not committed to you and your family then isn't it better that he leave? i know it's hard, but it's not a question of today or tomorrow, but rather a month or a year from now and you being able to build stability (with or without the dude) for yourself and family.
that's just my opinion...
good luck trying to figure things out.
:o)
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2007-11-03 09:31:23
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As these guys say, 'Stay strong' Ana and although it's a very difficult place to be in, try to hold on to your belief, your faith in something better coming along. It will if you believe it will. Dont forget either to take strength from your kids. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for and, after all, you are all going through it together.
Namaste
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2007-11-08 06:59:18
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