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Bitter Sweet

Yesterday was fun.....NOT.
For 7 full hours, Dan and I sat and talked. About the present and the future. We went to the Waffle House for breakfast, which has become a weekend tradition of ours. As I sat and listened to what he had to say, I could not bring myself to feel any compassion for him. He started crying. I know he is sorry for having a MENTAL BREAKDOWN, but that doesn't change anything.
After we got home we sat in our beautful living room and talked some more. After getting really upset with him, I stormed out and took a drive. After about 5 minutes I returned only to scream and tell him how he has completely shattered my world.

He wants me to wait for him. He wants me to wait here in North Carolina while he finds a job and a home in Florida.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet.

His final day in North Caroina is November 17th. Thirteen days from now.

This is all such a shock.

Times like these I am so thankful for my children. They are so sweet and innocent. They are funny and a part of me. I love them with my whole heart and they will be very dissapointed to see him leave.

The area we live in is rural and has some major "back woods" mentality. The people here have pride of their iggnorance and its almost as though "whoever has the most children, wins" . *L*

I have no family or friends in Florida. My only "newtork of people" would consist of one people: Dan.
Can I trust him with that responsibility?
What if things didn't work out?
His entire Cuban, Spanish speaking family is in Florida.

I know I can't get an accurate account of events that will unfold in the future, but wouldn't that be nice? No one can promise the future. The only thing they can do is make promises about the future, but even those can be broken.

All my family is up North. Snow and icey winters and bleak summers. That is why I followed my parents here to North Carolina when they retired. For a new start.

I could start over in Florida. Tax time is coming up. I could put my entire tax return in a privat savings account for a "what if" fund. That whay if I ever needed to go out on my own with my children, I would be funded for it.
Do I want to do that?

This is not a fairy tale, it is reality. In reality, promises are broken and the bottom falls out. I would have myself covered.

Even if I wanted to go with Dan to Florida, I would have to hire a lawyer, go to court and fight about custody over my children. I have full custody, but their father has visitation rights. And their father lives here, in North Carolina.
How would this work? The entire process takes time and money.

I have alot of things to work out.

As the day settle down and the air became more brisk, Dan and I headed out to our favorite resturant for dinner. Sitting across the table from this man was bitter sweet. My mind knows he is leaving on the
17th, but I had no more anger left in me to throw at him.

Waking up this morning, I just want to make his life a living hell.

I want to torture him relentlessly....I just don't want the guilt that inevitably follows.

Posted by Ana_stacia on 2007-11-04 05:11:16 | Rating:

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		Well, I haven't read your othet blogs from before, so I'm not sure of your relationship with Dan, but let me offer some small advise... I married a man in the navy who had to go to Japan and leave me at home when I was 4 months pregnant. He was not there for our baby's birth, I had to do it alone. When my baby was three months old, we flew to Japan, just the two of us. Getting on that plane alone with nothing but my suitcase and a brand new baby was not easy. I didn't know a single person in Japan except my husband, and the idea of being alone here fir half the year while he goes out to sea didn't make me feel very secure. Long story short, life throws you some crazy curve balls that might just end up making you challenge yourself for your own good. There is a quote by Mark Twain that I think might apply here... "Why not go out on a limb? That's where all the fruit is." Do what your heart tells you, if you are honest enough with yourself then you will find the right answer. Good luck with everything. =)
Posted by goldilocks1893 on 2007-11-04 07:23:10


		I can only imagine that you are feeling betrayed by your husband making this decision on his own, and rightly so!......But, what's done is done. Do you love him? If the two of you were to separate with the intention of getting a divorce, you and the children would be alone anyway, right? Did I understand that your family was planning to move to Florida, anyway, before this latest developement?.....So, a change in plans has been made.....it's unfortunate, but, if you love each other and are both committed to this marriage, it CAN work. Use the waiting time to start legal procedures to move the boys out of state. Have the boys start helping to sort through and pack up belongings not needed at this time. Tie up any loose ends, so, that as the time draws near to move, you won't be so overwhelmed at the last minute! Once your husband leaves, talk on the phone often with him, to stay connected and informed. I hope everything works out for you and your family! I really do care! God bless you! :)
Posted by Alice on 2007-11-07 23:25:17


		In reality, we create our future in the present. In reality, we spend a lot of time dreaming how nice our life could be while life is sending us challenges and tests to help us grow and be stronger, better people. What you do now, will become your life. As the book says, "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" Our thoughts and best wishes are with you for the journey. Namaste
Posted by scotslad60 on 2007-11-08 07:04:46