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Just friends

We're here, together. Like we have been before.
You get into my car, you smile, close the door.
I drive, and you talk. It's like nothing has changed.
The things that I feel are exactly the same.

But you didn't see it, you had to let go.
I don't blame you, it's fine. But there are things you should know.

I tried, and I held on. I did that for you.
But you ruined it all when you said we were through.
For that you're a quitter, so just think next time.
Before you put me down with those jokes and those lines.
Call me clumsy, and stupid. You can tell me I'm vain.
But at least I don't run at the first thought of pain.

You criticised my makeup, my hair, and my ways.
The things that I liked, how I filled all my days.
My behaviour. My morals. You questioned it all.
While you simply sat back, watching me fall.

You thought you knew better, putting me down.
Thinking I'd hurt you or mess you around.
You wouldn't let yourself trust me, or let me in.
But I opened up, letting you win.
Letting you see the real person inside.
Sure I was scared, but did I run and hide?
Did I walk away, or take the easy way out?
Did I make a fuss? Did I scream, did I shout?

No. I cared, and I tried to hold on.
Trying to be brave; trying to be strong.

I'm not saying the reason we split was all you.
I'm partly to blame, and I'll accept that that's true.
I just think you gave up, and I'm not sure that was right.
You didn't give us a chance, or put up a fight.

I'm not angry at that. I'm not bitter, or mad.
Maybe a little hurt, and maybe a little sad.
But I don't want you to take what I say the wrong way.
We get along well, that's how I want things to stay.
I just want you to know what's inside my mind.
The questions I have, and the answers I find.

It seems like I hate you, and resent you too.
But that's really not right. Not nearly the truth.
Sure, you said things, you put me down.
But I know you were joking and messing around.
And yes some of it hurt, and some made mad.
But none of it ruined the thing that we had.

There were things that you did that could just make me smile.
Feel happy, which was something I hadn't felt in a while.
There were trips in the car, visits to town.
We often spent hours just walking around.
Aimless journeys, going nowhere together.
We could talk for ages, it seemed like forever.
I remember that night, and maybe you do too.
We didn't do much; there was nothing to do.
But we sat by the river, and we looked at the lights.
Holding hands and talking, long into the night.

You seemed happy too, and maybe you tried.
You either cared about me or you constantly lied.

People say that you're like that, you mess girls around.
I had to ask questions, and that's the answer I found.
But I don't believe it. I don't think that it's true.
I'm not going to judge you on what people say you do.
You might have let go, and not tried to hold on.
But I know there are reasons for you not to be strong.
And yes, I have been through similar things too.
And I don't let it dictate all that I do.
But I know how you feel, and I know you need time.
You have questions to ask, and answers to find.

For you, being with me was simply not right.
It's a logical reason so I won't cause a fight.
I just have all these thoughts that I need to set free.
Thoughts about you, thoughts about me.
Thoughts about how what we had fell apart.
About how perfect it all seemed back at the start.

We were both too scared to give it our all.
But while you held on to the past, I let myself fall.
I think that's the different between me and you.
I take chances, where your past restricts what you do.
You just can't see this. You think you know best.
But you focus on the pain, and forget all the rest.
I know you got hurt. I do understand.
We could have fixed it together, hand in hand.
And I know we'll move on. You will find someone good.
Someone who always acts just as she should.
Who doesn't make the mistakes that I constantly make.
Whom you'll give your heart to, not fearing it'll break.

I'll find someone who accepts all my flaws.
Who doesn't just like parts, but takes it all.
Someone who doesn't judge everything that I do.
And I won't even think how that person's not you.

But here we are now, like nothing has changed.
Sure, things are different, but they feel just the same.
We are friends, and I know we will never be more.
When you told me those words, it bolted that door.
It's ok, I like you. We really get on.
The thought of "just friends" doesn't really seem wrong.

I know it'll be hard, for me, not for you.
You seem more content, now that we're through.
But there are things that I just can't get out of my head.
Not just what we did, and not just what you said.
Stupid little things, that I shouldn't miss.
Not your touch, not your smell, not your words or your kiss.
But the way that I felt when you looked my way.
The frequent text that you sent every day.
Just sitting next to you, knowing you were there.
The times that you'd hug me and kiss my hair.

But the way that you act when I try to move on.
The looks that you give seem to tell me it's wrong.
Your actions whenever I'm with someone new.
The way you behave and the things that you do.
You seem like you're upset, and of course I still care.
The thought of you hurt is more than I can bare.
But it keeps me stuck on my memories of you.
I don't want to move on, but it's what I will do.

You say it's my life, and I can do what I want.
So why should I feel bad, why should I hold on?

What we had, it was nice, but that's as far as it goes.
You made that clear, and you're right, I know.
That's why im not hurt, mad or upset.
It why I'm not filled with pain or regret.
I'm not annoyed you gave up. I don't need to know why.
You haven't broken my heart, or caused me to cry.
I just miss what we had. I miss what we could be.
But there is no point continuing if you don't want me.

I'm just sorting things out, thinking things through.
Making some sense of my feelings for you.
You're really not perfect. You have many flaws.
You can be difficult, and mean, but can't we all.
Most of the time you're sweet and you're kind.
Quite frankly amazing, and I was lucky you were mine.
So I'm glad we're still friends, and I see you alot.
It's still pretty good, this thing that we've got.
This friendship we share, and all the times that we talk.
I'm glad you're still around, and you didn't just walk.
You still sit in my car, I talk, and you smile.
You still put me down, you still call me a child.
And I don't want you to change all those things that you do.
You're so patronising, but I know that's just you.

I like who you are, despite what you've done.
You don't shout about it, even though you have won.
But I'm not what you say. I'm not stupid or vain.
I wasn't out of order, and I wasn't all to blame.
And now I care about what side of me I let you see.
Even though I never changed you, and you never changed me.

Of course I miss you, and I want you to know.
And I'll still care about you, when I've let you go.
I wish you were mine, and I wish it was right.
That I had been different. That you'd put up a fight.
But you get in my car, you smile, close the door.
And I'm happy we're here, like we have been before.

Posted by AmyGrace on 2009-07-05 14:53:42 | Rating: