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trouble magnet
I have a friend I'll call Ginny. She is in her teens and has more talent in her little finger than I have all added up. She doesn't just sing words. She puts emotion into them like the girl bands of the late fifties and sixties. She is as graceful as a swan. And she learns like I do, the old run-your-face-into-a-wall routine. As with many gifted children, she is kind of trouble prone. The decisions she makes are always thought out from her perspective, and she actually does have rules that make sense to her. It's just that most of the adults in her world can't keep up with her. In fact, most people in the world having a battle of wits with her would look like a calculator arguing with a computer. She creates the truth that she needs. She is aware on a staggering number of levels. Almost instantaneously upon meeting her, she has you sized up. I have noticed as well that the worst mistake you can make with her is to condescend to her. She will find a way to obliterate the pedestal out from underneath you. It isn't disrespect, though it may sometimes feel that way. It is just that she is heavily invested in truth. And she knows that your condescension is imaginary. She believes that no one is better than someone else. It is a remarkable humility considering she excels in so many areas.
As many parents have found, gifted children don't necessarily feel
gifted. They have always lived in their own hearts and minds so it doesn't occur to them that as a "special person" they should be achieving more, living in a higher code of conduct, having more common sense. I always watch the children as the parents drone on about how their child is "too smart" for this type of behavior. The children's sadness and confusion is heart wrenching. They wonder how they can know more than they know. They don't doubt for a minute that you are accurate in your assessment. So they leave your lectures feeling insane as well as stupid. Lectures are useless and make children hide from you. Well, not just children. I had a friend who was studying to be a shrink when one of my wives left. I loved this guy dearly, but he would lecture me every time we were together, so I quit being home when he stopped by. I quit answering the phone. I needed friends, not talking
text books. My friend "Ginny" has the same sort of resignation. She knows if you expect her to do something stupid. So she satisfies you, and does something stupid.
Children like Ginny are so easy to "categorize" to folks who live around her. You hear her being described as spoiled. Then someone else will guess that she is just rebellious. If she doesn't respect you, she is too honest to pretend. Then people get mad that she is so disrespectful. But she doesn't have any clue what your complaint is. She has simply been playing by the rules that you play by. If you don't respect her, she doesn't have to respect you. Respect is earned, not demanded. People have said often enough in her lectures that she would have to "earn back" their trust. Now she uses that logic too. She doesn't have to be any more lenient than you. She knows where she wants her life to go. But people respond that she is too young to know
that sort of thing. Her life is a vicious cycle of getting in trouble,
getting punished, being categorized, fighting the label, and getting in
trouble again.
In order to get out of this cycle, which affects everyone around her as well, you must recognize or diagnose her gifts and keep them as your focus until she gets them in focus for herself. The cycle has caused her her to believe that she was a "born" trouble maker. In other
words, they have participated in the laboratory to help create this monster. There is no born troublemaker. They have taught her a lie. Now her only hope is that someone invade her life with the truth. The truth about her talent. The truth about her creativity. The truth that you see Heaven in her eyes every time she smiles. She is brilliant. She will learn if they will teach. She learned her way into this mess. They can help her to learn her way out.
Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2009-07-05 10:19:05 | Rating: | Views: 68
| Views: 68
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