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at the risk of sounding perhaps a little dorkish, i am a dork. exhibit a) i bought a blue box of kleenex. blue is guy. blue is strong. it has been sitting on my printer shelf for a couple of days, right in front of my nose, visible if i was in a blindfold. but i just now noticed that it has a large picture of silk roses covering half the box. THAT'S going to impress people with my manliness. next i need pink panties and winnie the pooh mittens.
i got uninvited to my cousin's Christmas celebration. shucks. they eat good too. he is as big as me. this is the season of life for me when all people close to me can't stand me. which is good, cuz i don't feel like showering today.
i know why suicides spike during the holidays. everything i have ever read has said it is because of not being in the sun and "higher stress" during the holidays. c'mon. how stupid do they think we are? stress is CAUSED BY something. here's why i have higher stress: i lost my ability to work when my heart failed and i broke my back and stuff. so every birthday and holiday is stressful because i am freaking broke. so Christmas comes along. i am not at a loss to do just one thing for one person. i am now disappointing a whole group of people. it is less than two weeks til Christmas. i haven't bought one thing and i have ten bucks. so yes, i killed myself. but i drink so much dang coffee my body won't stop writing.
is the goonies the best ... movie ... EVAR? well, okay, there were movies like harold and maude and the goodbye girl, but the goonies is something you can watch winter and summer, rain or sun. it is simply a great movie. i had a friend who saw titanic 8 times. that is more than a whole day in the theater. for one movie. you have got to love kate winslet to do that! i can't wait til i meet john lennon. well, and george, but he will be so far beyond my tiny spirituality that i may not get him at first. oh! and john ritter. you know, john died from a blood vessel that kinda exploded in his chest. i had written a column about him a couple of months earlier. i think he was master of his medium. but i was thinking about the Body of Christ yesterday. we think it is fine when we have animosity toward other believers. but i realized yesterday that a schism between the believers is like the cells that weren't healthy in john's heart. when pressure comes, the relationships are not "well" enough, strong enough, mature enough to withstand the pressure. and, honey, don't kid yourself. while their eternal salvation may be assured, there are believers who become so wounded by the church (meaning believers. i am not talking about people who run headfirst into a church building ... ) that their lives on this earth are lived in desolation. i love dr. phil's little sayings. in his words, "this situation needs a hero."
for a number of years i was friends with a band. i was there every weekend. i knew most of the folks they knew. before that i was a church junky. nine times a week. why? does anyone know why they do stuff? if my car would work, i would rival that attendance now. most recently i was a chat junky. i couldn't stay away. to this day i check the "room" to see who is in there. the drive for connectedness is so strong that even counterfeit connectedness is better than none at all. chat people will say to you, "don't trust ANYONE in chat!" but you know what? the ones they always forget and trust are themselves. these people who say you can't know anybody in chat will tell you the other-folks-in-chat's biographies, motives, relationship histories, underwear sizes ... it is twilight zone. fortunately i live alone so i could get it out of my system completely. i have "chatted" all night. i have had two disastrous relationships from chat. i still don't "know" anybody. do i feel better away from chat? nope, but i feel less trapped by a time devourer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s86a2YsKIE&feature=related, there. that's cuz i love you. bye. |
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Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2007-12-12 14:01:47 | Rating: | Views: 53
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you sure do have alot on your mind...keep writing you are interesting!
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Posted by shanea
on 2007-12-12 14:14:55
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