Thoughts.com Blogs - teaching our own kids

i had a prisoner who had two kids, so he considered himself a sex authority.
he pulled two of his buddies into my office one day.
"mr. buck, settle a bet."
i said okay.
"isn't it true that a girl got a thing inside her called a click, and if you are good, you hit it and she has a O-gasm?"
i laughed so hard i had tunnel vision.
i am an obsessive-kumquat and excessively shy.
just in case i ever got to have sex, i read over one hundred books on intimacy and sexuality (which aren't the same thing, guys).
i know because i counted.
all that education to answer click questions.
but it is also somewhat tragic.
if this boy had been able to talk to his dad,
he wouldn't have needed me,
and might not have had kids growing up without a dad,
just like he did.

sometimes people blame lack of nurture
when it is really lack of teaching.
nurture happens on a soul level
while teaching affects knowledge.
get the "duh's" out of the way so we can go on.
curiosity is universal for kids.
if you don't teach, they teach each other
or learn from the 16-year-old fifth grader by the sliding board at school.
when are they ready to learn?
when they ask.
don't over-answer.

the boy walks in and says, "mom, how do we get here?" mom takes a deep breath and explains calmly the mechanics of becoming pregnant and the birth process. the boy says, "wow. jesse is on the phone and his mom asked how to get here so he could come over. i ain't telling her all THAT."

our vision and expectations for communication in America are backward.
as our kids grow, they will talk more and more if we encourage them correctly.
so next time we will talk about encouragement.
it is far easier than we make it.
and it is more valuable than discipline.
see you on the flip side.
thanks for stopping by.