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stupidity hurts

   i have been sitting in my chair angry at my furnace for being so danged inefficient. it has been getting colder and colder and now it is four in the morning and i am awake and writing. i want to be asleep and making rude noises. i finally gave in and got up to come in here to write. on my way in i checked to see what temperature i had the furnace set on. i forgot to turn the idiot thing on. i had my doors open and the fan from the furnace on during the day today. then i never turned it back on.
   sadly, this is not exceptionally stupid for me. in fact, i kinda shrugged, said, "of course," and popped the buttons. i thought i was having a heart attack (cuz of no blood to my hands. my hands are like NEVER cold.) then that guy with the voice from the earth's core came on and said, "learn the warning signs of a stroke. time between having the stroke and getting treated means dead brain cells." i thought, "my stroke must have started in 1975." i ain't never been treated, and now the damage is so bad, i forget to call anyone about it. on the plus side, i don't remember much about my first seven wives.
   my cat had a baby. it is cute as a cake fart at a kindergartener's birthday party. but after she does the mommy stuff, she climbs into my lap and starts talking to me. and i have to tell you, it is that smell that makes cats aloof. they smell their nursing mother's breath and say, "i never want to be close to anyone or anything." i thought my one cat stunk when it would do those catfood farts. i would take three of those over this.
   as a miracle of modern science, my furnace actually heats air if i turn it on. so i may be able to sleep soon. seriously, though, if you are in town, stop by. you can help me clean the cat box and oh, we will just have the BEST time. flinging little cat pooplets. maybe later flinging the little cats. i now have 45 cat lives around me. that's not fair. so i figure throwing them with a speed pitch into the walls about eight times each will get it down to five cats and five lives. i can live with that. i am sleepy. this rocks. and if i may be serious for one second, pray for the homeless. i would be suicidal if i had to live cold. okeedokee. time to snooze. see ya around the coffee shop.