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| random thoughts from a nerdatorium
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my next door neighbors growing up were a Jewish family that survived hitler's war machine and still had their identification numbers tattooed into their arms. they were such a kind group of people. the man was a pastry chef and worked nights, so we couldn't play in their yard during the day. they had a large white fence that went completely around their back yard. the people beside us before them had the fence put up, and we were kids. what can i say? i didn't destroy property or anything. but we would climb to the top of the fence and then inch our way around the entire fence. there were huge bushes and plants that it took a while to get by leaning on the fence. including corners we forged through four other yards. we never thought a thing about it. the one side of the fence was in my yard so the whole fence was mine to play on.
i never grew up. i still hug the fence on a number of things. i set my cruise control on a few miles an hour slower than the fast groups on the road. if i set my cruise at the legal speed, i would take maybe two minutes longer to get places. i eat four or five extra bites after i have enough food. over a year, that adds up to maybe 4,475 "extra bites" which i then wear around my gut. it's what known scientifically as a system. that's a lie. i know less than nothing about science. unless it's the science of cracking a skull with my knuckles. i'll tell ya, if i could beat the crap out of myself, i might get me to stop eating too much.
i am not gay. i have thought that through, and even though it is easier to live with men cuz they have this little added benifit of having brains that MAKE SENSE, the sex thing would make me an anorexic. when i see a naked or even just a clean woman, i go into heat. when i think of seeing a man, i go into the bottom of a glacier that even global warming can't melt. but, for instance, a guy seeing a sock on the floor that he doesn't like having there cusses and kicks it into a laudry basket or something. he doesn't call a house meeting to discuss how the forgotten sock is proof that (sob) he isn't (snort, sob) respected in his (trumpet blow of nose) own home. even gay men aren't THAT gay. if it is his sock, i would figure it would move when he needed it. but i would sleep in the chair in front of the TV without worrying that the sock would eat me in my sleep or affect the real estate value when the house isn't even for sale. it would have been so much easier to be gay. ::sigh::
i don't think it would be any easier to love me if i were gay. i WORK at being a partner, but i am just so arrogant and self-centered that people start out loving me but end up hating me. before my last wife left, we got to the point that she asked me not to speak at her family gatherings. those were the last words before we went into her parent's house. it had the effect of making me want to yell. kinda like it someone stuffed a whole head of lettuce in your thoat and then said, "don't eat anything at the smorgasboard." what? how does that even make sense? people ask me questions. am i supposed to smile and act deaf? of course, i would try extra hard to be funny, but trying too hard makes you unfunny, and then she ends up being right. self-fulfilling prophesy. we would get home and i would try to explain how the last second thing made me a little nuts, and she would say, "see? you blame me for everything." that's dumb. i am an equal opportunity blamer. but sometimes i blame folks because it is actually their fault. like my ex-wife. i would blame her when it was her fault.
here's what almost put me in a home. i would work for a week to get up enough courage to confront her about being unemployed and leaving our clean clothes on the floor in our room. i was woriking 60 hours a week. she was doing exactly nothing. i could literally walk up the laundry and be in bed. honest. so i would go to talk to her about it, and as i opened my mouth, she would say, "why can't you help with the laundry?" she knew exactly what i was going to say and when i was going to say it. then she would tell me, "you are just complaining to be argumentative cuz i brought this up." i couldn't say, "you brought it up cuz the best defense is a good offense." i would still be with any of my wives who would stay. they have all said they shouldn't have left. go figgur.
see, i grew up two generations late. i love like my grandparents. i may be mad one minute and tearing someone's head off for insulting my wife who i am arguing with the next minute. i never hit a woman. but i am passionate. and a woman from this generation can't handle passion. look at their role models. brad pitt's woman said this week that she can't help it if she favors her adopted kids over her biological kid. her adopted kids are survivors, she said. what the heck did they survive? at the age she adopted them, it was more like they simply lived long enough to be adopted by a woman who needs to be chained to a wall. britney's kids are survivors. why doesn't she just strap them to the hood of her car and drive into crowds of paparazzi? she can go to treatment and claim she was sick and not just stupid. and lindsey lohan. she is like a lung of someone who smoked for a hundred years. she likes to let her private parts be exposed pretty regularly. and i am not gay. i may have mentioned that before. but looking at lindsey lohans private parts makes my plumbing scamper up and hide in the bowl of my stomach. oh, yeah. i become female. and still not gay. one of these next few tips to treatment for lindsey, someone needs to super-glue her legs shut.
i just noticed a movie on TV i have never seen with stars crawling out of the woodwork, so i shall have to bid you a lovely day and go watch. |
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Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2007-12-13 14:46:41 | Rating: | Views: 81
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