quality time
one of the most brilliant rationalizations of America's work addicts
is the phase:
"you don't need quantity time;
you need quality time."
someone said it years back,
and although there is NO proof that the concept is correct,
few phrases became popular
as quickly as this silly one.
i have amazing kids.
i love all kids,
none more than my own.
we know for a fact that Mary and Jesus had a good relationship.
if you need help seeing that, write me.
it's there in Scripture.
i'll show you.
but Scripture has also laid out the plan to carry your children
through a lifetime of quality time.
Mary's journey was almost too much.
waiting hurts.
at the end of the day
the pregnant girl got to rest.
but in the morning, the pain started over again.
yes, she had God's child in there.
any question now that having Him born into your heart has no cost?
most of us lose it if our kids don't get to bed on time.
if i were Mary,
i would have thought at least once,
"you know, Lord, i coulda had this child a couple of weeks before the donkey ride ... "
let's suspend all reality and say He was born in December.
that would mean that right now she was in route.
my mom and my children's mom both became
virtually unable to walk toward the end of a pregnancy.
at least with walking,
you try to choose your own bumps and stops and starts.
Mary was jarred, so Jesus was jarred.
when my wife was pregnant with our son, she stepped in a groundhog hole
and fell down.
my son didn't move for two days.
we were terrified.
even before birth, he was the king of chill.
how many things happened on this trip to the census?
did Joseph's feet hurt from leading the donkey?
i bet Mary coulda used an inflatable doughnut thing for her seat.
and for Jesus, the womb took on many feelings He hadn't experienced up til then.
have you ever watched a happy pregnant woman?
she softly circles the baby in her womb with gentle touch.
she coos and whispers and talks to the miracle she is carrying.
Mary was in this for life.
the Baby was as much hers and ours as God's.
"God so loved me that He gave ME His only begotten Son."
gasp!
are you allowed to say that?
it is high time that we say it.
God has said it.
more importantly, God has done it.
every pain that Mary experienced was for me.
every doubt that Joseph had about his ability to be Jesus' father
was doubted for me.
the visitations of the angel were for Mary and Joseph
and for me.
when they threw the woman caught in adultery before Him like trash,
i was both the woman and the King.
It taught me to accept forgiveness
as well as how to forgive.
i now ask you:
how many whimpers did Mary hear from Jesus
and ignore them?
how many difficult questions did Joseph blow off
as unimportant?
do you think Jesus wasn't mocked by the other kids?
puh-leez.
He taught at the Temple at twelve!
i would have made fun of that!
jealousy makes us say cruel things, yes?
what would you have said to Him about the mocking?
"man-up and punch them"?
"run so you don't get hurt"?
would you have told Him the same thing you tell your kids?
honey, the child you bore is also the child of God.
Jesus in dialog with the Pharisees
shows what Mary and Joseph taught.
i believe that this subject needs a book.
but for now, let me give you the recipe for a lifetime
of quality time with your children:
1) you must create and refine with their growth.
quality time is not static.
when my kids hurt,
it hurts me like swallowing barbed wire.
but that is also quality time.
when they have love, we celebrate.
when they lose love we mourn.
and we laugh our rumps off.
create and refine.
2) raise them like they are the neighbors' kids.
we are more fair to the neighbors' kids.
our egos aren't tied up in them.
it doesn't reflect on us when they screw up.
so we help them rather than reaming them.
raging parents are worried about how they look.
period.
they look younger than their children is how they look.
if you want me to see my kids as bad because they made mistakes,
tough.
like Mary, i have stored up loving memories of my kids in my heart.
was Mary scolding Jesus for getting Himself lynched?
i don't think so.
i will stand up to an entire police force for my kids.
ask my son.
he reads this.
he'll tell you about my letter.
3) be honest about your feelings.
not THEIR "failings."
your feelings.
i don't scream about my kids ignoring me
because they both have wonderful rich lives away from me.
i just tell them i miss them.
they are noble and fair.
they make time for me.
and i make time for them.
i would vomit if they thought my thoughts.
i enjoy the living snot out of our differences.
if they believe what i believe,
i want it to be because they thought to get there.
i teach them what i believe.
i trust their hearts.
whatever they believe, i believe in them.
4) let them see YOU problem solve.
if you don't teach them they are going to mimic you anyway.
at the prison, my co-workers and i staged arguments
so the guys could see conflict resolution.
"let not the sun go down on your wrath."
bet you have.
i sure have.
but i teach my kids and they are better at it than i am
and their kids will be better still.
you can't just say no to anger
(or drugs, for that matter).
you have to replace it with something.
do you grumble all day?
might contribute to miscommunication right when you need to be a hero.
spend your time in praise.
search Hillsong on YouTube.
Darlene will getcha singing.
5) act your way into thinking.
practice gratitude.
sit and thank God for them,
head to toe,
bad and good,
their genius and their stupidity.
practice gratitude for your kids til you are actually grateful.
from you they learn what to expect.
if you are grateful for them,
they will seek happiness in life.
if you are a jerk,
they will be too.
quality time is a puzzle with many pieces.
meet them with respect and compassion,
true interest and honesty,
and they will give you quality time.
BE what you want them to be.
above all, be gentle with their hearts.
see ya.
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