God, look what i've done with the brand new heart
that You gave me when i bowed to You.
i instructed You about what i "should" love
i like my choices to be "blessed by" You.
"it's THIS job, God - income You can bless.
it's This church, God; a people to embrace.
it's THIS girl, God, and You can keep the rest."
... i work so hard to commandeer Your grace.
i ask Your people what i'm doing wrong.
why aren't i healed and strong and wealthy?
i really don't have to be world champ.
i deeply wish to simply be healthy.
but most of all, my Father, my God,
(and this is weird to say),
i tend to forget about everything else
when i blindly seek Your face.
my life inspires exactly no one,
my writing even less,
so i will go on through fear and not knowing
til i find your promised rest.