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mine's bigger. than a gnat's.

i believe i am an alien who was abducted by humans. i have been well indoctrinated. they started well by having people say i was smart. because i am. and that, dear humans, is the problem. i am comfortable with the fact that i am "not like" the others. that would be a random thing, so i could end up like michael jackson or george w. i would rather have a case of the lifetime farts. michael jackson apparently pleasured a leper with his face at some point, and george waited two weeks too long to quit drinking. but they are celebrities, so they are aloud to be felons and free. look. at the age of eleven, i was furious with camera people who filmed soldiers dying instead of throwing down their cameras and trying to help. at the age of twelve, i recognized that war was murder. maybe they started it. maybe i started it with my lifetime farts. maybe we started it. but how mangled does your conscience have to become to say, "go kill that mother's child. go kill that new daddy. go kill the only surviving daughter of that loving dad." that seems to be a unique aspect of being human. you can rationalize any damn thing.
how lonely are you to have billions of dollars worth of porn taking up the greatest information instrument ever developed? i have been married. why would i want more emotionless self-stimulation than marriage? i hope that the internet makes our kids aware enough of life that they don't have to be as butt-stupid as me. i am dumber than a two-dollar dog. wait. didn't i say i was smart a minute ago? there is proof that geminis are twins. sheesh. i have many wonderful Christmas foods to binge on, so i am gonna nuke a plate and watch UFO stories on history channel. is this the second day of Christmas, or was yesterday the twelfth? okay. see ya next spring break.