AllThingsBuck

cool

2009-11-20T11:54:21-05:00

got this in the mail:

Psalms 55:22 --- you really need to read this.
'Friends are God's way of taking care of us.'

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5 o'clock. While stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., the car started to choke and splutter and die. I barely managed to coast into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. The car wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the Quickie Mart building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay. When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen. She was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me - the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat) , and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying, "I don't want my kids to see me crying!" so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?" That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me."

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan. 1, and finally, out of desperation, had called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there. I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you like an angel or something?"

This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...

Psalms 55:22 - Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, especially for the months left in 2009, and I picked you. Please pass this to four (or more) people you want to be blessed. Here is the prayer:

Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt release a renewed confidence through Your grace. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

When Satan is knocking at your door simply say, "Jesus, could You please get that for me?"

Don’t tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is!!

TGVing

2009-11-19T23:09:25-05:00

   it is confusing, the way these holidays line up. first Thanksgiving, then Christmas? how does that make sense when the cool stuff i get at Christmas will be stuff i have to be thankful again for in a month. all this gratitude will give me the willies. but this is the interesting thing, at least to me: as near as i can figure from the Handbook, Heaven is set up on this principle. gratitude PRECEEDS provision. you may argue all you wish about whether this is a "Christian country." i know the founders got some things right, and this holiday thing is dead on the money.

   i was visiting with the concept of hope the other day. i saw the habit of gratitude transform into hope when aimed at the future. hope is a view of future that includes love. a life robbed of hope is a life without love. a life isolated from love is void of hope. during the Viet Nam years, hippy types were mocked for their insistence that love was the answer. we were terrified. saying i love you insulated us from the harsh world we were inheriting from people we didn't understand. i am in the late summer or early autumn of my life, and it still makes my stomach ache to imagine myself in that age. i had horses. they healed me. i went 19 months without shoes. even to church. i rode bareback while i was barefoot. their manes were my reins. what a clean and wonderful love you can have with horses. when they look in your eyes, they see your soul.

   so i am thankful. for my kids. for my family. for my church. for Pastor Don and Pastor Vern and Pastor Leo. for EasyToSay. for my beloved and adored nurse Amy, for hands that can type, for Ben for starting Thoughts, i am thankful that we have a man in the oval office who inherited a whirlwind and has chosen NOT to become ugly and rude to the people being ugly and rude to him. i don't argue politics. i am not smart about those issues. but i approve of the quality of leadership. i am so very thankful for freedom. to think. to dream. to sing. to hook my heart into a struggling kid and teach them self esteem. to make my friends laugh their butts off. i am over-the-top happy that kids see through my long-haired hippy routine and trust me immediately. the parents are afraid of me and the kids are telling me everything they ever thought or did. after five years in maximum security counseling work, i can tell you where stolen fortunes are buried. my favorite thing is being me.

   my life is pulling itself together. man! i was depressed. sheesh. someone smack me when i get like that. my LIFE is what i am grateful for. not some trinket wrapped in pretty paper. i get to love so many people. and my kids and pastor love me back, which is a bonus. being a suburban hermit, i don't get invited to parties and stuff. but i can love without interrupting anyone's day. i can love from a distance. i can love and pray like they are right beside me. so that's some of what i am grateful for.

being gorgeous

2009-10-31T15:45:35-04:00

   what an odd holiday. all year i wear masks and costumes and this one day i am supposed to "change" and wear a costume. ummm, got here yesterday. Valentine's Day is a pretend day. i have written love letters that sounded far more sensitive than i truly am. birthdays are strange as well. if i feel that you are worth celebrating, why would i wait til some calendar thing says to party?

   here's what i couldn't hide: i am gorgeous. yes, it's true. my children are gorgeous because the parent was gorgeous. oh, sure. her womb. blah, blah, blah. my seed. women are more evolved than men. if the kid is ugly, it is dad's fault. so i take credit for the good lookin' world i have helped to create.

   here's something you would never guess: my weight is intentional. last time i was thin i had married women being far too interested. they still are, cuz ... hey. but i am too fat to be naked with them now. so i get to eat like a bovine and blame it on morality. why anyone would ever want to be anyone but me is beyond comprehension. okay. i am going to take my sleek, catlike body to the viewing room and argue with commercials. admit it. some days knowing me makes you want to giggle.

on the numbers

2009-10-30T13:10:59-04:00

   you get invited to a party. you know one person. they start a flow of information that no human could assimilate. "that's sally. remember two years ago i told you about that gossip? it is her. that's bobby. he cheats on his girlfriend. jimmy's mom worked for al pacino in a movie. wheezer is a truly nice guy ... " you feel the weight of their opinion on your head. you wish people would just let you meet whomever you want and ease off.

   so i want to protect folks i like from the idiots. look through my friends. nicest bunch of folks you could ever meet. sometimes i see people who are nice to me being ripped apart in blogs and am ready to climb into my screen and not return til i have ripped off a few beaks. here's the confusing part for me. i truly believe that a capacity for passionate love has been given me by those who have loved me. i do not believe that violence or vengeance are aspects of authentic human love. so where the heck does it come from? do i so want to be someone's hero that i make up scenarios to fantasize that i am actually protecting people i love?

   i race toward the end of this chapter. and my heart never relaxes. what if i get to the end and find that i have been following one train track while the one three feet away held my purpose. i see myself in the eyes of my kids and i am a king. you all make me feel like i had a brain cell survive my years as a hippy. HA! i pray that i do not disappoint love.

duh

2009-10-29T15:29:01-04:00

i have heard a hundred teachings on the phrase, "judge not that you be not judged." some were brilliant. but life has shown me something quite ugly. see, my problem with judging folks is it becomes my mirror. i begin to measure myself by the same unforgiving rules by which i judge others. i get online and come straight to thoughts four or five times a day. and i am so nasty with my internal dialogue that i don't write anything myself because i imagine others saying such things about me. "gosh. you took a nap??? imagine such a thing!"

the sad fact and truth of my life is i don't see one thing about me that is interesting. i KNOW a lot of stuff. but i put myself to sleep thinking, so how boring is that? i love our new writers. they are too alive and excited to be dull. do this for me ... TELL me when i am more boring than usual and i will shut up for a while. cool? thanks.

angel

2009-10-22T13:48:18-04:00

do angels leave footprints?

bringing sexy back

2009-10-16T08:06:41-04:00

i feel sexy today. i think i will wear my shirt open so people can see i am a sasquatch in heat. my wheelchair seat will melt with the heat from my loins. my health care ladies both come today, so i will eat like a king. the "light housework" lady cooks like a dream. the sad thing is ... once you know how to be good at sex, you are so old that no one wants it from you anymore. my butt hurts. i am gonna take pain meds and watch sci/fi. John Lennon is the first appointed Saint of the church of buck. i miss him.

random brain matters

2009-10-15T16:07:08-04:00

   is there honestly anyone out there who doesn't understand that bravado brings attacks? i can sit here and say that you can be mean to me and i won't be hurt. you will hear that as a challenge, and some of you will attack ... just to see if i get hurt. or i can be honest and say that i get hurt sometimes when people act like rotting armpits toward my words. when i get really hurt is when i have opened my heart in friendship and the "friend" stomps on it. i can nurse that hurt along for looooong times. i won't slam them (except maybe to make my kids laugh), and i won't immortalize them by putting their names in my blog ... my journal ... my real time autobiography. what you say gets lost with the echo. what you write is forever.

   i have been living on garlic baloney. my burps smell like farts and my farts clear the room of pets, flies, any living being. my home health lady made me steak to heat and eat. i am writing instead, which is dumb, cuz i am hungry and the only one who thinks i am a great writer is ... well ... me. so dig it. i am eating the world's most garlicky baloney on "honey and egg" buns. i add swiss cheese that stinks all the way to Switzerland. no cave man ever tasted anything like this. it seriously ROCKS to be me.

   i think i am old. i am irritating to get to know. and when i think of "love," i think that i don't have enough time for a woman to get used to me and comfortable being equals. i am a cantankerous old coot, if the truth be told. just the other day i told someone off. well, i thought it, so it was LIKE telling them. today they took fifteen pounds off of me. i am floating like a balloon in an updraft. the cool part is that it DOES include a euphoria. like when booze is just starting to make the room echo a little and you feel like a comedian. like that. my beloved Australian sent me a platypus. yes, i must go to the googledom and find out what to feed it and if it needs sex and whatnot. i will feed it. some other life-form will have to provide the sex.

   thanks for stopping by.

sinatra

2009-10-09T12:50:01-04:00

   " ... and there were times, i'm sure you knew, when i bit off more than i could chew ... " yes sir. we knew. we didn't care. see, when you live out in the open, people relate to your screw-ups more quickly than to your triumphs. i trust people who make mistakes. okay. that was vague. i meant i trust people who are willing to live without hiding their screw-ups. i have friends who hide who they are on the internet because, "they have made mistakes." c'mon. that is exactly why you need to be transparent and open on the internet. people know i have fallen for internet women and had my butt handed back to me in a sling. how would they know they could talk with me about it if they didn't know i had my run-in's with internet love and the "net" part is what they have to use on you to throw you into the nut-house.

   talk to most abused kids or even adults who were abused as kids and they will tell you they are not going to be abusive. cool. i was abused as a kid and i said the same thing. but i had no idea what i would do differently. so when my kids were very young and mouthy, i still whacked each of them on their diapered butts. i had to spank them a few times to realize i didn't know anything BUT spanking. so i studied. i talked to non-spankers. i got ideas of what to do instead. you can not stop one behavior without starting another. so i learned what to do instead of corporal punishment. i can't just ignore the folks at work who gossip about me. but i can be funny. i can laugh with them and make them realize that it is no fun to laugh at me cuz i already laugh at myself. when stuff makes you angry or you want to change something, slide something in there to fill the space. the habit will scream for attention unless something is already in place of it.

   my life rocks. i feel good. my kids are awesome. i have the coolest blog site on earth to call home and you guys to call family. ranters, you too. i don't like to rant, but you guys are getting good with practice, so keep working on doing it better and it is cool. i love thoughts. see ya soon.

mystery

2009-10-07T18:18:52-04:00

to me, thoughts is an enchanted place, a place i come to heal. to create, to let go. it confuses me that folks use it to be angry and hateful and sick. cutting and starving are ill behavior, not simple curiosities to yawn about in a blog. the more you "release your anger" with ranting, the more you rehearse your anger. it takes no creativity to rant. show me yourself. hide behind a made-up name. don't cheapen your talent by hiding behind lies or anger or being self-destructive. you are brilliant, creative, funny. use your short time here to get really good at those.

intelligent

2009-10-06T22:29:54-04:00

i believe that no matter what health care situation spills out, insurance should pay for surgical removal of hairy moles. it is a menace. it makes me want to barf. and i have never seen my butt head-on, so i may even have one. hairy moles are an affront to everything this country was founded for and i believe we should honor the founders by ridding the world of HM's. if you burn off your own, we will send you a coupon for yak food. the end

are you stoned?

2009-10-06T16:50:52-04:00

   so letterman lost his noodle for a time and now is in hot water. i have loved people i should not have loved. or, more accurately, loved them the wrong way. i do not believe love is wrong. my life course has been one of continually being called on to love people by whom i would be repulsed if not for my sonship with the one Phat calls my "Sky-Daddy," (a new favorite name for Him). there are, perhaps, other ways one can approach the broken and angry, but the only one i understand is, "weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice."i have had to cry with someone who was admitting to a heinous crime, but mostly confessing because i was crying WITH him. he had never had anyone do that with him before. THAT is poverty. i had to give up the "right" to judge others, not because i am "also a sinner" and all that hooey, but because if i judge you, i can not love you. and my Sky-Daddy said to me, "you love them, I'll change them."

   there are those who believe the source of sin is self-centeredness. perhaps. but if that is so, i can give you other sources that are just as powerful. the one i see in my helping folks is that loneliness is a reason, not just an excuse, for behaviors that are hurtful and destructive to ourselves AND others. loneliness excuses standing on another's dignity to get promoted. loneliness makes the girl who wanted to wait for a husband say yes to the one boy who has noticed her this year. loneliness makes us get high and drunk and think we are funnier and better looking than we are. i am not being careless with words. it MAKES us do these things. loneliness makes a beautiful wife of a hugely driven businessman fall for a bum or a grocery delivery boy. and loneliness makes us lie. we say we are soooo lonely, like it is something happening to us. make no mistake. we choose loneliness a lot of the time. loneliness during grieving is a must-have. but loneliness because we are watching TV alone on the weekend is absolutely choice.

   hearts are designed to love more and more through the years. we open them to grandchildren and neighbors and folks from church and so many other places. you know when you have met one of these folks as an elderly person because they are so peaceful. they glow. then there are those who refuse to open their hearts. they got hurt once so they decide to miss the chance to love multitudes and just whine about love instead. it is a choice, and it may just protect them like an early warning system. i am just saying it is out there. but for those who risk open-heartedness, there is reward of so much more than they risk. you see, love can only be experienced by an open heart. if my heart is shut down, i won't even feel your love. kinda selfish of me, huh? but there is so much love coming in from so many directions. love that the closed heart refuses to receive. love that makes the openhearted wealthy above measure.

   so you stoners of Letterman, aim your rocks also at me. i have learned monstrous lessons, excruciating lessons, and now i know it is HOW we love that makes it life-or-death dealing. dave and i could have had nice friends. and we let our loneliness make us be tools of destruction. love is not always happy stories. it can be misused. the Water-Walker said, "love as I have loved you." it is a quality of love. the WAY we love. you can love other ways than His way. but man! it is risky. i love very differently now as a grown-up than when i was a younger man. some guys never get new perspective. love is a contest, a conquest, and they must "prove their manhood" regularly by getting some strange. their desire for love is part of our souls. but we must do two things: 1) become responsible for filling each other's hearts, keeping each other "full enough" that loneliness loses much of its power, and 2) teach the development of love so people know there is better that they could shoot for.

   yeah, i am an idiot, but hey! look how many blogs you can read even if you don't read mine! HA! let's work til we figure it out! see ya.

Phat

2009-10-05T19:36:56-04:00

TO MY BROTHER PHAT

i just got rerailed like i have come to expect from my friend and cool-minded listener. THAT is one thing i have dearly missed. this man has a brutally awake mind and i think if we were just friends in the neighborhood, i would be addicted to him. nothing makes you inspect your motives and thoughts like a gentlemanly and respectful dis-agree-er with your pet beliefs. many of Phat's questions are questions people of my faith tend to blink away because they are inconvenient. i do not wish to be a blinker. i admit, i LIKE being a man of some beliefs. some answers require some suspension of disbelief, but i want to decide when i use faith. i don't want it to be something i have simply been told to think by impressive speakers along the way.

it makes him yawn and want to fall asleep, i am sure, but i believe Phat cracks my Father up as much as He does me. things my fellow believers have said have made us punchlines. good for you if you are cool with that! i wish i was that grown up. but i believe there are answers for the hard questions. i believe i am living my faith more clearly and authentically when i have my questions right next to my beliefs. i am not playing. i want to know. and Phat keeps me aware of what i want to know. so thank you my friend for not changing.

inner-quarreling

2009-10-05T07:19:54-04:00

i think people avoid spirituality because so many definitions exist. i am not confused because i understand fruit. you can't get good fruit from a bad tree. the raging evangelist has nothing i want. his anger confuses me. let me spend time next to the child who gave his heart to God yesterday rather than the "elder" who has forgotten love. it isn't understanding that is the essence of spirituality. it is joy. friends say, "john, your God fixation is cool for you. i don't go for that stuff." cool. but you love me, and i see that as reality. i have a fantasy of God in my mind. i have not seen Him. but i have seen Him transform lives that hadn't a chance before His influence. there are miracles everywhere, but they happen to the poor and the dirty and the desperate. "proper" people don't need that in their clean, disinfected lives.

i follow leaders who respond to need. Pastor Don seeks out the poor and destitute. Pastor Leo gets nearly stranded from being out of gas while people send a million dollars to TV screamers. (i dig Pastor Don and Pastor Copeland, tho.) you get what you embrace. my heroes all have love leaking from them. rich? big deal. caring? my kind of deal. i missed my loving friends in the hospital. my mind became accustomed to the tiny world of rehab. it is such a lazy dream. follow the clock. eat what they cook. go where they say to go. but now my lungs fill and my eyes open and i remember what i call life again. if you seek and follow love, we can walk together.

it

2009-10-04T23:41:51-04:00

miss being cared for. no one checkin' bp. no one checkin' temperature. no one bringin' snacks. i miss it. it was people at certain intervals. i am missin' people. and physical therapy. and someone cooking for me. man i am lazy. ha! didn't need to get sick to learn that! i was built to be tended to. i am a gorilla-sized baby. any happy pudgy women wanna be my roomie? i smell good! and i will love whatever you cook. okay. nite family

bad vamp

2009-10-04T20:19:20-04:00

i would suck as a vampire for the same reason i would be awesome as a werewolf. i fart a lot. well, not a lot lot. but i am a pro. werewolves fart. c'mon. you suspected. but not a classy vamp. no gas from blood for dinner. it's just with halloween comin', you gotta think about these things. i love popsicles.

dookie

2009-10-04T20:09:44-04:00

one day in physical therapy, a therapist had Marley in the box. i was singing loudly to "i shot the sheriff" and heard a voice matching me across the gym. it was a full rasta with dreads and all who was in the same rehab as me. we were instant friends. i pity those who don't live my life. i hope everyone feels that way about themself, you know? is there anything more sacred than the individual? tiny souls ask "what's wrong with you?" great souls seek what is right with you. perfect roses grow from piles of cow dookie. you play in the dookie. i shall hang with the rose. but i will smell better. and i am definitely prettier. i need to go watch mindless crap on a tube. and eat many popsicles. have some cake and a glass of milk. i will see you soon.

perfect

2009-10-04T15:07:05-04:00

this is the most beautiful day since about a million years ago. perfect sun. perfect temp. perfect butt. but enough about me. sometimes you just feel the fresh air on your goosebumps and know it is a perfect day. hi guys. gotta do medical stuff. love this site. love this computer. love my home. you all rock to high Heaven. see you soon.

Jeez!

2009-08-13T18:03:52-04:00

yeah. in the last five posts i have spoken of love and gratitude and joy. i have gotten over 550 hits. i look over other bird crap being thrown in my damn face, and i see booey hoo hoo and suicide and gosh, i have had a mood today. welcome to my third grade crap ... um ... excuse me ... class. i am clawing and fighting for my damn life here. swine flu. not, "i'm through." a disease that is attacking me. but i get to watch people say, "golly. should i die?" FIGHT, dammit. don't freaking say, "poor me. should i die?" what the hell am i reading? you don't KNOW? wanna die and show me how to get your damned life back later? cuz you CAN'T! fight to LIVE, babies! fight to live!

hi

2009-08-09T21:02:28-04:00

your love and thoughtfulness has been beyond measure. the symptoms are back worse now that ever. i am so grateful, but i am quite ill. thank you for praying for me and sending good thoughts. i am not sure when i will be back on again. thank you, family.