sometimes i believe in fate. i mean, there are definite statements about how God guides our steps. i am cool with that, especially because there are also statements like, "I am silently planning for you in love." but i mean that other people seem to understand that we have talents that are actually somehow predictive of the life we will live. in grade school there was one of those kids everyone kind of avoided. his name was alex, and i guarantee he isn't reading this. it is questionable whether he could read when he graduated sixth grade at the normal age for ninth graders. but he was one of the "dark" looking people. i am not being racist. he was white. by dark, i mean he had been shaving  since the age of four. he had jet black hair. he wasn't really a "hood." he wasn't a bully. he was just ... weird. and he smelled a little ripe.

   being mean has usually been difficult for me. even in grade school, i can vividly remember running and playing, seeing alex by himself, slowing to a walk, sighing, and then picking back up speed and running again. whenever i saw him, my world slowed. isn't that odd? i have had a few other people that happened with. but i avoided alex. i never knew what to do with people you were "supposed to" not like. that is one of the freedoms of being adult. i can be as weird as i like. so now i hang out with weirdos. but back then, it was social suicide to hang with people like alex. nevertheless, one day alex caught up with me. now here is the fate part. i almost expected him to say, "why are you so mean to me?" i hadn't said anything wrong. i had just avoided him. but he said, "john, i can't help it. i have a rotting tooth. that is why my breath smells."

-gasp-

   i was eleven. i didn't have the vast stores of wisdom that make me the international sensation that i am today. but alex brought me his problem. in jr. high (now called "middle school" like they educate you on bellies), i would have people schedule time at lunch to talk to me. i said next to nothing, but they wanted to talk. fate. by that age, i was more likely to let weirdos hang around with me. i was also weird. my dad buzz cut my hair in the age of the Beatles. i swam and ran track, both almost nerd sports back then. i wasn't cool. my best friend was class clown, so i got invited to all the cool stuff, but then i would hang back while people came and whispered about breaking up with their boyfriends or girlfriends. fate.

   "what do you think i should do?" that question is the trap. if you know that answer, you know your fate. "my car sounds like it has a stuttering problem. what should i do?" if you know the answer, part of your fate is working around cars. "my air conditioner only works in the rain. what should i do?" if you know ... fate. "my kid thinks farting in church is funny. what should i do?" see, i know that answer. fate. back at the beginning of her career, huge by any standard, i remember reading an interview with madonna. i remember two things she said. one was that her goal was to rule the world. the other was, "if you can, you should." fate. not everyone can bake bread. one woman i know keeps her friends and church in bread, and when she misses you one week, you feel like something is out of whack. regular contact means regular conversations which means she is there when hearts break or parents die or whatever. it is a bridge for her to have friends and support.

   many many people are miserable because they have backed out of fate to pursue something else, usually money. "but, buck, if i try to make a living with what i love, i'll starve." not true, but for the sake of argument, let's say it does slow your income a bit. you are miserable right now with the income you think should make you happy. what if you decided to be happy first and let the money find you? i will pay for this out of my hide, but i believe God has set things up this way. He said, "go forth and multiply," and then made that the most fun thing on earth to do. i believe you can follow your other joys to what you were truly created to do. as my cousin says, this ain't no dress rehersal. this is the life we've got, and it will be whatever we make of it. God gave us the capacity for joy, but it isn't His job to stuff it down our throats. we have to choose it before being able to have it makes any difference. i believe that they are having a marathon of my favorite show today, so that is the happiness i am now choosing. see you in study hall!