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see, the problem with divorce
is that they aren't dead.
no, i am not saying i want my exes dead.
i would mourn them like they never left me.
what i AM saying is that since they left on foot
rather than in hearses,
i can't go straight to the mourning room.
to get there i have to walk by a sign that says,
"YOU LOST HER!!!"
i could save the sign man some money.
bring them all to one place and make one sign:
"YOU LOST ALL OF THEM!!!"
double back flip.
sticks the landing.
tuh duh.
to mourn is to admit that they left me.
let me tell you what that means.
it means that with all the money i spend,
all the letters and poems and cards,
with all the jokes i tell and my attempts to be interesting,
i still have run off every woman i have ever shared air with.
sure, i love, but from a distance.
my last mini-girlfriend (together maybe a month)
was from west by-God virginny.
she drove to see me and then dumped me.
in used the usual guy-friendly guilt words on her.
now i am a designated pray-er for her, apparently.
she writes me about tragedy and bad news she receives.
will i pray? of course.
i am the one who still loves
everyone he has ever loved.
my beloved friend says there are two loves,
God's love and sexual love.
i have the first,
but my world doesn't have the second.
people don't touch me.
i am not an animal d**m it!
do you see Michael buying my bones?
so i have to assume it is how i smell.
maybe garlic is not the best deodorant.
divorce makes you say stupid things.
one day while i was at work
she took the inside of the house
and left me with the outside.
i said to one of my friends,
"i can't sit in my chair i built."
stupid. no longer my chair.
the things we shared locked together in my heart
like they were wrapped in velcro.
i don't understand, either.
so i shall take more drugs than jim morrison
and fall asleep til meet the press tomorrow.
cya, campers |
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