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i had an interesting piece of mail today. someone was asking why kids become bullies. i spend most of my time on the subject teaching kids how to handle bullies, or teaching parents to teach kids. it intrigued me to have someone ask a question that usually only counselors have to deal with. the answer is irritatingly simple. kids become bullies because they are violated, either psychologically or physically. parents who lecture but don't listen. baby sitters who punish excessively or who are perverts. if you find out that your child is bullying other kids and it isn't you who is abusing them, waste NO time finding out who is. if it is you abusing them, don't come to me for help. i consider it helping the child to have such parents jailed.
if you ask your child who is being mean to them and they answer, believe them. it takes an adult sized ability to hate to lie about such things. just because you love someone doesn't make them trustworthy. your children need you to believe them if they are to have any hope of healing. it is a wounded child who bullies, not a mean one. they are dangerous like wounded deer. you go up wanting to comfort bambi, and bambi puts it's hoof right through your chest. they don't recognize your love. like-wise, don't walk up and hug the bully if you aren't prepared to be hurt. approach quietly and respectfully of their need for space and safety. they are bullies because they have been disrespected in horrible ways, so you will have to respect them enough to overcome their ingrained fear of authority.
if these kid posts remain unboring, we will get around to bullying. we will get around to everything. i exist to talk "kids." to them, about them, to their parents, name it. if there is a strong problem with bullying, write a neutral letter to the parents. "are you aware that the neighborhood children think your kid is a bully? i decided i had to listen when my son came home with a black eye. we enjoy your child, but could you perhaps talk with them about not solving disagreements with their fists?" watch carefully. if the child comes back with a black eye from "falling into a doornob," write a concerned letter to the school counselor. do it anonymously if you must, but do it. i need to rest my spine and perhaps get beauty sleep i have missed for the last thirty years. i wake rested, but i sure ain't beautiful. thanks for stopping by.
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Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2008-10-10 22:16:44 | Rating: | Views: 33
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You made some interesting points!! One of my children are having problems out of this boy on the school bus ... he finally told me about it last week. It honestly broke my heart to see the sadness in his eyes while he was telling me. What I got out of the situation is the boy is saying mean and hurtful things to my child, thank God it's not gotten physical, but emotional is just as bad. I confronted the bus driver about the situation and she is going to take care of it by moving the little boy to the front of the bus then she goes to tell me it's not the first issue shes had with him about being mean. My personal opinion is there not getting the love that should be getting from home, so they take there anger out on other people. I guess it makes them feel better to do this, but sheesh ... if they could step back and look deep into the eyes of the children that they have hurt... they would see the sadness in there eyes ..... the same sadness I seen in my sons eyes when he was telling me about this little boy.
Why can't bulleying just stop altogether??
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Posted by GreenEyes
on 2008-10-10 23:06:04
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