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bread crumbs and bird poop

   did you ever have a day when you just wanted to put your feet up, maybe watch a movie and develop the screaming munchies somehow, and generally avoid people? as if. my TV just prophetically said, "double check your ground beef." i may have aged some, but i don't count myself among "ground beef." perhaps some of that meat that they have to beat with a hammer to make it edible. cuz i would volunteer to have my loins pounded flat before i would go through another divorce. which kinda keeps me single. well, that and the fact that i am the only person on earth who doesn't think i need a bath. i have no crusty parts. i sneak in and spot bathe with the adult wipes. it might be my shoes. i don't wear any as much as possible.
   i would've made a great rich girl. half the time i don't know i forgot underwear. i am so absent minded, i went to another state and had to leave bread crumbs as a trail the whole way. about a third of the way home, i started watching for the squashed birds that tried to eat the breadcrumbs. ::sigh:: perhaps other birds will learn to not steal. bad birdies.
   speaking of birds, i am still kinda mad that one of you pooped on mark scholl's mom the one time in her whole life that she came to the pool. she had giant hair. but the bird was like on pluto. i saw it splat and heard that bird giggle. from then on i swam underwater. i am surprised that it didn't crack her skull and cause her to have mad bird disease. i mean it wasn't as bad as the poor guy whose head got caught in the elephant's butt. and scuse me, but did you not feel that video in your belly button? he screamed. so he became a rectally injected elephant fart. then he needed air so he breathed in. i have a friend who was farted on by an elephant. he said it smelled like peanuts. but still, how many times would you scrub your eyebrows with a toothbrush before you felt clean? and you have to kinda wonder if the elephant wasn't holding some sort of grudge.
   i need to go take my semi-hourly shower to try to wash this elephant's butt off of my head. it would be nice to have a large droplet of chocolate to nurse on while i watch TV. sadly, i am actually going to fix my mother's car mirror. but i think i may get chocolate. see ya.