Thoughts.com Blogs - being weird is not enough

View Blog

being weird is not enough

   one of the problems greeting young families and pastors of young flocks is the concept of listening. you want to explain as much as you can why you have the rules you do, but you also need to build trust. if something is getting ready to hurt your young one, you want to be able to yell, "DUCK!" and have them duck. this sounds odd referring to church, but i didn't make it up. the prophet says, "you will hear a voice behind you saying, 'go this way.'" look at the picture. this is a parent who trusts the child. the child gets to lead ... as long as the parent has the option to say, "wait! not that way!" you can watch out for things the child hasn't experienced. broken glass, for example, can be beautiful. young children need protection from broken glass. the serpent in the garden (which at the time of the temptation had legs, so it wasn't a talking snake) was the most beautiful animal around. adam and eve were babes. spiritual children. at least a small part of this story is that beauty can seduce. to their defense i say that they DIDN'T have a voice behind them saying what to do. adam was there and NOT described as being deceived. so he sinned knowingly.
   ironically, the way to teach trust is NOT micromanaging. children who come to me with parents who correct every grammatical error and every move the children make don't even take diagnosis. children misbehave when parents can't keep their nose out of the children's souls. i open with those parents by saying simply, "you are concerned that your child tells you no." i actually had a father say, "it is that obvious to you, huh?" i said, "yes, you are." if you push too hard, they push back. a distant relative was telling me at Christmas that his pastor told him he wasn't committed enough to his church because he went to see his daughter perform in a play rather than going to church. he gave twenty per cent of his income, multiple nights a week and hours on sunday. but he wasn't "committed enough." he doesn't go to church now. whose fault is that???? and besides, the commitment isn't to church. the commitment is to the Lord. oops. maybe they forgot. Pastor Don would lend me the money for gas to see my daughter in a play ... even on a church night. and i am completely loyal to him.
   at His baptism, Jesus had the Heavens open and God's voice said, "this is my beloved Son in whom i am well pleased." that is awesome parenting. our children almost never need our "instructions." they need our confidence in them. my son taught me this. he would come up with the wildest solutions to his problems. i was just fascinated watching him. he'd share a concern, and i would swallow my initial reactions and say, "wow! what are you gonna do?" i could almost hear his brain kick in. sometimes he didn't have an immediate idea. he would whine and ask me what he should do. i would say, "nothing until your mind tells you what to do. your brain is working on it. you have a great brain." he would shrug and watch TV or something. then he would come to me with his eyes really big and say, "dad! i figured it out!" a relative gave him a phone with instructions to "tear it apart and put it back together." he was completely confused. he used the phone to "call people," even though it wasn't plugged in. the relative asked if he had torn it down yet one day. good grief. no. he didn't go that direction. leave as many options open as possible.
   i have been polite and grateful for my children's input since they came down the chute. my kids were allowed to both sing and read at the table. sundays after church i would give them a bowl of ice cream and say they could have lunch as soon as it was all gone. they begged for "real food." their words, not mine. they are both thin and healthy. but you know what? i have no memories of either of my kids EVER saying "no" to me. my son dislikes "gatherings" as much as i do. he has been bruised by churchianity. but if i called him right now and said, "come with me to church," he would say, "okay. if you want me to." my daughter is exquisite. she is also a redwood. she has the strongest will you will ever encounter. and while there are people she completely walls out, her will is also focused to say yes to her dad. she loves me so much her friends love me before they ever meet me. i meet them and they say, "hi pops." HA! i am a "pops." beat THAT!
   fear is NOT respect. fear is a response to power. respect is a response to honor. loyalty is a response to love. your strongest loyalty as we sit here in this exact moment is to people who make you feel loved. the amazing thing about being human and an aspect of how we were made "in His image" is that we can create love from nothing. i don't need to even meet you to love you. you don't have to be lovable to be loved. love grows wherever we decide to plant it. it becomes stronger wherever it is fed. it is such an integral part of God's personhood that it is flatly stated, "God is love." that is the creative and authoritative strength of the universe. i pray that your world is full of love.