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my son's boyhood friends stop by from time to time. one stopped by last night and went into extreme detail about the body of the young lady he had been quite familiar with the night before. there were measuring words. words like "huge" and "she was ... ooo." i don't know what ooo means, but it had to do with some aspect of her complete adoration of him. and i sat as i have since sixth grade and wondered what was wrong with me. i have been with every shape of woman there is. "body-type" is a retarded measurement. one measurement matters and one only. the heart that is housed in that body. i am straight. so i look for hearts that are housed in female body parts. i have gay friends and i counsel them the same way. look at the heart. protect the person thru monogamy. my gay friends have as much trouble understanding me as i have understanding them. if they were simply "sinful" straight people, they wouldn't be confused by me. they would be angered. there is an entirely different response to people when you are gay. i pity bi-sexuals. what a tightrope they have to walk. it will be nice when this "Christian" nation (i call it churchianity, but i don't know if i made that up) quits glorifying hatred in response to gay folks.
but back to this body part thing. this has to be a result of cinema and porn, doesn't it? before the last few centuries, people got to know each other's bodies, yes? i mean, you adapted to whatever your partner had body-wise. now it is nothing to have women on talk shows discussing size and talking about penises without the benefit of human beings connected to them. i will sit with friends watching football and one will say, "i like big b**bies." and i will say, "why?" what on God's earth would someone want disembodied breasts for? i haven't had one love whose breasts were inadequate. big and small, i've loved them all. one woman at a time. monogamously and passionately. young guys, here is the truth about sex. it will make the difference between a rich intimacy-filled life and simply masturbating with other bodies. ready? for women, intimacy leads to sex. hug her awake that morning. be thoughtful during the day. hug often with no aganda. clean a bathroom and wash the dang dishes. not only are you showing your affection, you are helping your partner have a little energy left over for you sometime in the next day or so. give her a life with someone she can be proud to love.
now, ladies, men are the opposite. for us, sex leads to intimacy. a man's most vulnerable moment is right after he makes the mule noise and becomes a spineless heap. this is why he rolls over and falls asleep. he is hiding from that vulnerability, don't ya know? women, i teach couples i counsel that this is a creation time in life if used correctly. it is the time to call out the man you connected with in the first explosion of love. what do you respect in him? did he used to do something you admired and he has quit? this is the time to give that respect a voice. "i am so proud of the way you handle the boys arguing. your calm rubs off on them. it is so cool to watch." "it is thrilling to watch the passion that you attack life with. you are a man's man." whisper it and become very quiet. let it echo as he falls off to sleep.
he has spent the day loving you. you need only take ten or fifteen seconds to keep him strong and the man you love him to be. just observe. don't build in wishes. it will not work to say, "i would be so proud if you were rich." that is an insult and will create someone who will never be rich. you can't push. you can only admire, respect or love and have it build him up. complain the next day. but if sex has been satisfying to you, remember to make his excellent as well. actually, women have told me that their men become more attentive lovers if the women risk doing their half without the man's promise to do his side. love is reflexive. if you give it and they refuse it, it filters back into your heart to make it softer for the one who will respond to you. don't waste time with people who resist your love. just dive into love with those you do love.
wanna know why marriages go in the dumper so often these days? because we are selfish. maturation is the journey from total self-centeredness to other-centeredness. total grown-ups are people like Jesus and Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. we in mainstream America get stuck in a late-adolescent developmental stage. "ain't no man gonna have control over me!" "i said, 'woman, shut your pie hole.' i am a MAN, dammit!" you are both missing out on what is the greatest legal high on the planet. union. humans are built to run on interdependence. children who aren't touched die. adults who aren't touched, part of a caring group of some kind, or noticed, have greater disease rates and tend to die younger. their immune system is compromised. "love and survival" life altering book.
i am falling asleep on my keyboard. thanks for listening. it has been so long since i have written just for the joy of it, so to my three committed readers, i say thank-you. see ya around campus.
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Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2007-10-30 22:07:45 | Rating: | Views: 125
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Well you taught me something. :]
I am now accepting the fact that humans are selfish and most of the time shallow. After my sisters 4th "true love" dumped her, I realized that unless you've been in love, you dont know what it is. So a lot of people mistake what they are feeling for love, and when it turns out to be something else (lust?), they end it.
I hate it when people date based on looks. What if that person is completely different then you? Are you just going to sit and stare at each other?
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Posted by PinkZebra
on 2007-10-30 22:48:15
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i think you should marry me :) ha ha
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Posted by RamJet
on 2007-10-30 23:29:10
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It is inside that counts not the person's appearance. A relationship is also something that has to be worked on and the road goes both ways.
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Posted by clemmiepoo
on 2007-10-31 19:39:40
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Well said sir. Stay Safe
JR
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Posted by Rainbow
on 2007-11-02 06:29:54
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