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my uncle (Uncle Worth) had a significant birthday last year. we have been amazingly blessed to have known him our entire lives. he was thoughtful enough to produce (with my aunt, of course) a son who was a few months older than me, and i tried to mimic this cousin til i was an adult. i still honor him, but i remember now that trying to be anyone but me is more frustrating than just being myself. so i got lazy on that front. i can't be like anyone else, look like anyone else, or think like anyone else. thank God. i like me just fine now, and it was largely due to my uncle that this happened. Christmas at my uncle's is an event. they don't work to make it so. they honor the birth of the Lord and have food of the gods. but it is the people who are so cool. my cousins are all very smart and interesting. my aunt is an angel. we have babies and young kids in the family which is of course where i focus. and through it all, Uncle Worth stands as our model and patriarch.
i grew up in a home that my cousin said was saturated in testosterone. my father was quite loud and funny. his friends were very loud as well. the kitchen would fill with so much smoke i wondered how they saw their cards. the alcohol flowed like a river and i wondered how people could remember so many jokes. they owned huge companies and made lots of money and blew it on testosterone-ish stuff. and my dad and i never talked from my thirteenth birthday to 15 minutes before he died, three decades later. dad didn't like me. he said so. so mom was my best friend and i just lived that way.
at one point i was driving for a career. i stopped by to visit Dottie and Worth, and as i was getting ready to pull away, Worth came up and cleaned my headlights. never said a word. if i hadn't seen him, i never would have known he did it. and my expectations fell apart. my dad would have said, "hey, dumb *ss, your headlights look like your room. you'd mess up the world if you could." living with my biological dad, i didn't know grown men just did nice things.
i have thought since Worth's birthday, and have finally figured out what makes him so great in my eyes. he doesn't argue to win. in fact, i see no joy in it at all for him. he simply knows the truth, and tells you. if he disagrees, you might as well quit arguing, because he doesn't disagree unless he is right. my dad and his lawyers and entrepreneur buddies didn't care if they were right. they just enjoyed arguing. one of his friends sold drug companies their ingredients. dad was losing an argument with Curt (the drug salesman) and said, "what is wrong with you? you tasting your own product?" i knew curt was right, but that didn't matter. dad was winner, and that's what they argued for. it was almost funny when it wasn't happening to you.
so i carried around this belief that grown men were like my dad. if a man confronted me, i thought, "oh, goodie. i get to hear about this for weeks." but one time i messed up about three days into my summer week-long stay at Worth's house. Worth didn't yell. in fact, he spoke very quietly. he was firm but fair. i noticed at the end of that day, he went to bed. no berating. no lectures. it was over for him. what in the world? again, there was no joy of being bully or ogre. if he thought about it any more, he didn't say so. i waited for the other shoe to fall the whole next day. Worth apparently only wore one shoe. never heard about it again.
Worth could fix anything. i have no clue if that is fact. but he never stopped working, so i don't know how he could have done more even if he wanted to. he had sixty-eleven jobs, painted houses that he rented out (my dad left town when our house was painted. no joke. said he was allergic to paint. i guess only wet paint.) one time i was going to tag along while my cousin cleaned an office. Worth said, "sending two boys to do a job is like sending no boys to do the job. john can wait here." again, i waited for the after-lecture, and it never occurred. and do you know, i can't remember even as much as the topics of lectures i received through my wasted youth? not one word. but i have a mental filing cabinet of "Worth sayings." Pastor Don says that God has supplied wonderful men for me to learn from since dad and i missed our connection. Worth is the first one of those men in my life. he has never been anything but kind to me, and he has also never been afraid to tell me the truth right up front. being for all practical purposes a fatherless child, i was all over the map. nothing to "tether" my life to. Worth made me feel non-maniacal when i was near him. he was a peaceful place in chaos.
we have talked before about my exaggerated fear of people. before getting something of a handle on it, i missed a few of those wonderful Christmases at Worth and Dottie's because i felt panic at even the thought of the crowd. there are times when i get to sit near Worth, and i know beyond question that i would be a different person if i had grown up with him. i have had more coaches than i could count. i have counseled with people so brilliant that i feel like a stump. when my wives left, i even went to counselors. it is not exaggeration to say that the only person i believe could have aimed my life differently is Worth. my dad did some cool stuff, i found out at his funeral. he could fight like a boxer, worked for a branch of the service like the CIA (none of us knew that til the Army sent a flag and commendations and stuff), and was a boy's boy with his buddies. but my uncle Worth is a MAN. he is strong enough to be gentle, confident enough to not have to talk all the time, so smart that i would call him brilliant, no matter what his IQ, which i suspect is formidable.
i am not as smart as Worth's kids. i am nowhere near as successful. i have never had a wife who cares for me like Dottie does for Worth. there is no quantitative or qualitative reason i would be noticeable among my relatives. heck, i'm not even interesting. yet my uncle, this man who has done everything with his life that i have been unable to do with mine, manages to give me his undivided attention for a little while each time i am with the family. that is louder than any sermon, any storm, any pain. i have spent many hundreds of hours in churches. sermons come and go. where God reaches into my heart is kindness. i don't remember sermons. i remember people. people who are kind to my children. people who are kind to me. Worth is both. it is examples that keep me on task. i honestly pity those who don't get to have Worth as an example. i may not be wealthy, but i wouldn't trade for money if it meant i didn't get to know him. thanks for stopping by.
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Posted by AllThingsBuck on 2008-03-31 14:25:00 | Rating: | Views: 80
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You place great value on people in your life and that is a precious gift. This was an endearing post and I'm glad you have had Worth in your life. What a blessing!
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Posted by cwzywbt
on 2008-04-06 23:26:52
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