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As I type this now, I'm mindlessly eating my 3rd chocolate bar of the day. I'm going to keep eating for the next half hour and throw it all up. Hopefully... I always get so nervous when I plan on purging, because I destroyed my gag reflex and most times I'm completely unsuccessful at eliminating all the consumed calories. I was urinating blood this morning and went to the doctor to get some antibiotics. What scares me more is not being able to throw all of this up. Why can't I be a normal person? I wish there was a cure for my sickness.
--------------Update #1---------------
I threw up all of the chocolate, but the bread I ate before that acted like a stopper and I couldn't throw up anything beyond that. I feel so exhausted and I had to put Visine in my eyes because they were all bloodshot. I guess I could have forced more out, but I was worried about being caught in the act. It would be awesome to muster up enough energy to work out for a few hours, but I think it's just going to be an early night for me.
-------------Update #2--------------
I'm an idiot. Not only did I skip the workout tonight (let alone have an early night) but I also ate 3 times as much as I did pre-purging and drank beer all night. Fuck, I completely disgust myself sometimes.
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