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How do you not love someone? How do you determine that you’re not holding a flame for them? Are you deluding yourself to think that you’re fine for them to go on with their life and you start platonically by their side?
How do you determine that what you feel towards a person is fine to feel towards a friend and not reserved for the domain of a lover/partner? He is so open-minded, perpetually questioning and questing for understanding. Loving to all, empathetic and generous in understanding others. Our minds work the same way, reasoning the world around us, justifying our every decisions, thinking too much sometimes. We both have trouble understanding the irrationality of the world, the senselessness around us. He loves my daughter like a father, is infectiously affectionate towards her, creates their own world around them, is encapsulated by her is a way that is a privilege generally reserved for family. We have similar dreams for our world, wishes and concerns for our communities, but just as lost as each other. We have so many other similarities that words don’t do justice to.
There is that connection, implicit connection that neither of us feels with any other. I get mixed messages from him but they line up with his personality. Very empathetic, understanding and has an uncanny insight into the female psyche. Both of us have an innate need to be involved in each other’s life. To check in with each other is a tool to help to centre our lives.
The dilemma is how do I go about planning my independent life with my daughter while leaving options and flexibility for any man to come along and not be intimidated by dreams that seem to have no place for them in them.
How long do I hold out for something that I know is the perfect and right thing when the other person doesn’t think so? Will I be relatively unaffected if he dates someone else and what place will I then take in his life?
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Posted by Ageis on 2008-04-09 01:19:18 | Rating: | Views: 81
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I like what you write, I guess you need make some step forward, otherwise how would you know?
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Posted by perlmoments
on 2008-04-09 13:44:06
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maybe what I have now is more valuable than taking that step and losing it, as it will never be as it was again
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Posted by Ageis
on 2008-04-10 00:29:17
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