| View Blog
|
|
|
|
i thought things would be different by now. i thought i would be different by now. now driver's license, no vehicle, no job outside the property, no life.
what do i have?
i have a permit with which i drive perfectly fine, but myparents won't let me drive their jeep so until i have a vehicle of my own, i can't get my license. i have a job to my fucking flaky cousin who doesnt have work right now and i'm still trying to get my paycheck from three weeks ago. who also lives next door. i still have to rely on my brother, lee, for a social life or a life outside the house because the parents don't like driving me anywhere when the get off work beause they've been gone all day, i on the the other hand has been home all day. to some of you this sounds like a luxury i'm sure. now, add a loud, obnoxious, messy sister in law and my equally obnoxious older brother and you have the perfectmix for not wanting to wake up in the morning. this is my day.
i wake up.
convience myself i should leave my room.
i get the list of things todo today from my mom, try to do my chores around my sister in law which is no easy feet.
shower. dress.
go to work if its tuesday,wednesday,thursday.
come home at noon.
have lunch while trying not to tell the SIL to stop being an ungrateful bitch,
do some homework, fall asleep.
its probably two by now.
do abit more homework.
wander around.
do petty shit.
wander some more.
and more.
and by now deb is home.
some i'm sure i'm getting yelled at by now.
i make dinner.
my dad gets home.
he says something rude about/to me.
i say something back.
we get in a fight.
have dinner.
i eat quicklly and go back to my room.
go fucking insane.
do it all over again.
and my christian friends wonder why i drink and smoke cigars/weed.
i thought this would be different. i thought i'd get to leave. and everyday i fucking wake up in a horrible mood, if i've slept at all since i can't seem to sleep normally, on sleeping pills, drunk, or high. no matter what my body hates sleeping.
everyday i go abit crazier.
i'm crying because how do you tell your dad that you love them but don't like them.
how do you handle that your mom, the most amazing woman ever, is will probably leave your dad once you turn 18.
how do you tell your sister in law that you don't respect her anymore.
how do you tell your older brother john that he's acting just like your dad...
how do you handle that your best friend, your brother lee, on the 23rd is going to go to court and probably lose his license and get a jail sentence??
how can you not feel fucking bad for herself when so much is going on.
i haven't felt this shitty in a long time. i think i'll go take a walk and smoke a cigar. i'd usuaslly call someone but i don't know anyone who can understand my family.
i wanted to tell my brothers old friend, alex, all this but i guess we're just friends on his time
did i mention i have like no faith anymore? yep just another going to hell, right here.
|
|
Posted by Acre on 2008-07-13 20:30:47 | Rating: | Views: 42
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
Don't lose faith yet. You still have a big future ahead of you and it is closer than it seems, I'm sure.
"It wasn't no way to carry on. It wasn't no way to live. But he could put up with it for a little while. He was working on something big." - Tom Petty.
|
|
Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-07-14 01:11:44
|
|
|
|
hi you still have hope
i would say read many of my blogs have good stories about struggles of ups and downs and if you want to add me to your friendship list please do.
i myself know what it is to go through alot but God will see you see no matter how dark it seems
|
|
Posted by good_news
on 2008-07-14 03:05:51
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
