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the orange type is an update. so updated you shall be. joey is doing better. at least i think. he doesn't really talk to me about it. but he says hes okay now. lindsey and i made up a couple weeks ago. and its offically sunk in that we will never be what we used to. spent the night with lee last night. he invited me. it was fun. we watched hot rod. this morning he took me out to breakfest. i've really missed that kid. the english class is okay, its more work than i thought it would be. i get my grade for the first major paper this thursday. i'm going to bed now because i'm tired. i'm very tired. lately the little things have made me depressed and i want to crawl into a ball and go to sleep someplace warm and alone. thats how i can be described since joey told me he cut 3 weeks ago. if you can understand the writing in black, good for you, its very very random. i started writing awhile ago and this is what came out...
i love the outdoors. i love people watching in walmart. i enjoy walks in my woods at night with no flashlight. i enjoy acoustic music with soulful lyrics. i enjoy people who are dorky enough you be themselves. do you know the couple who is in there 80's and still hold hands? i want that. i want acceptance for me. the me who will never be with you all the time. the me that won't do something just because you think you can make her do it. the me who sleeps on her porch with her cats and dogs. the me who bites her nails when she get scared. the me who is a sucker for her big brother who isn't the most amazing person. the me that is akward talking on the phone. the me that has problems, has sins, and goes to church just to hope something sinks in. the me who will forgive anyone for almost anything if they simply said "i'm sorry". if that is to much to ask, then thats really sad. the me that has a hard time accepting friends, or people who like her, because she can't understand how someone could like this fool who mixes up her words, who sins, and who thinks that pigs can fly.
i want you in my life. i want to be able to kiss you everday. and to hold you when are sad, and to be crazy with you when you feel wild.
i want to be your entertainment when you are bored. and to be your favorite movie critic. and to be nurse when you are sick, to remind you that i am here in the snap of finger when you simply say "i need you".
i want to hear you say how you really feel about me. not just what you feel at the moment, because the moment changes, i need to know that who i'm devoting myself to, because to me its devotion, that they will be there for me when i'm not the funniest person. when i'm not pleasent to be around, when i'm not there to hold you, that you'll know that my mind my stray but it always returns to you.
how do you feel later?
no, not now, not the moment, the now will change,
and because none actually lives in the moment, thats just a silly saying,
the now is new, and like new shoes, the new gets broken in.
the conclusion of the question is how does it feel about living in the old.
by the time you are ready for the new it is now old and the newest new seems to far away.
i wish the best for you, trying to reach the now, its hard you know, accepting what now is rather than what was.
p.s. joey and i started offically dating on jan.21.08, have i told you that yet? |
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Posted by Acre on 2008-02-05 22:49:59 | Rating: | Views: 54
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nice post... i liked what was written in black :-) ...I hope all is well!
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Posted by crash413
on 2008-02-10 05:12:57
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