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Prostitutes have a heart! They really do.....!!

The world is bad, very bad. Shit! I just can’t believe it. Why the damn hell am I living. The other day I remember, I stepped down the train and scrapped my feet. It cut was deep and started to bleed bad right there. I just couldn’t walk at all. There were so many people who saw my leg bleeding, but none, not even one turned up to help me.
And today when I went there….. women in the brothel were just like, hark! I feel ashamed of myself. They said, ‘Don’t get into this, you are young and wise. We are illiterate, coerced and chained. You are free, don’t ruin your life.” One of those beautiful creatures, showed so much of sympathy towards me, ohhh Jesus!! Open this Earth and let me bury in it tonight. Fuck!

And this my guy, I mean, the one who used to be mine once…… he just doesn’t even give a damn to what’s going on in my life. You know what Jesus, today he turned up online. I mean he does turn up every time, but this time I just didn’t go invisible. I waited and waited for him to at least buzz me and ask me how am I keeping, but nope! That asshole didn’t turn up with anything, but pain to me.

I just hate this big time. I am going through a hell lot of trauma and hallucinations. Damn! I am just 18 presently. Fuck man! I have no troubles. I have a good mom, though she lives pretty far from the city I am in. I have a sweet little bro back home. It feels such a relief talking to him over the phone. The only reason why I am alive today is because of my mother and him. Although I know, they will overcome my suicide by time; still, I just fail to succeed in my attempts. I know, may be Jesus wants me to fight and bear a little (only a little!!!) more pain in this world.

Perhaps in my last birth I was a bad being. I must have hurt my guy deeply in last birth. I think that’s the reason why I am bearing his guilt. He should be the one who needs to feel disgusted, instead its me, and he’s in bed with someone else. Huh! The blisters of my heart should be rather on his’. He ditched me, he used me…… but I guess, I was stupid to have fallen for him. Yeah ! Right,I need to cry cause I was insane, I should have not fallen for him. I shouldn’t have allowed him on me. But, is loving bad, I loved, and loved him, that’s it! Huh!

I just don’t know anything.

Jesus, forgive me for my sins please. Forgive me for the wrongs I did in my last birth….. and if possible please make him realize that I am still waiting for him….. I don’t know why am I hurting myself this way….. but I know I loved him truly….. I don’t know why people say, ‘I am deeply in love with you’…. For I guess love is synonymous with deep anyways…… and I know love means to wait as well….. so will I….. I will wait for him to realize how much I cared for him…. Wait for him to realize that I really loved him….. wait for him to realize that whenever I went physical with him, I went just for his sake, I never really got turned on….. I loved everything he liked…… I used to wear what he wanted me to….. shit! I did everything for him, to him …..

Oh! Jesus, give me some peace…..

I do not know if tomorrow I’ll go and sell my body back….. I am in a very confused state….. I just seriously don’t want to think at 60 that, ‘Fuck, I ruined my life because of a guy who ditched me’ ….. but honestly, I also don’t want to live till 60…… I am just so head-fucked…..

All that I want today is a simple human hug….. Owww! How much my heart is craving for you dear….. I wish you do come back some day….. just someday ….. !!

Dad, I miss you ….. :’(