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| Feelings sold, now body on sale.....
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Well, finally I managed to get myself into a job. The day he refused to continue any longer with me, I started to go through a grave financial lump in life. I seriously could no longer focus on anything. I had left internships on day one of our break-up; and studies, I could see them getting screwed big time. I have almost no cash with me.
Nope, the phone bill isn’t increasing; neither is the money being spent on Baskins and Robins. It was just that, it was getting over; and getting replaced from nowhere. Mom is sending her usual decent amount to sustain my life and studies in an alien place, Mumbai. Still, how do you think can I tell her, ‘Hey mum, I need more money. I can’t fit in this paltry sum. Here they charge you extra for food in a Paying Guest’ Blooper. I am 18, and will be 19 this June. I seriously can’t keep on asking like this from her each time.
Whatever, I succeeded in getting a job in retail. Today was my first day, and what a pathetic waste of myself.
Company : Trèsmode, a footwear company
Job : A sales-girl in plain words (though they designate me as a sales Associate Executive!!)
My work : I need to attend customers, help them try varied footwear’s'.
Timings : 10:30a.m – 8:30p.m
Gross Pay : Rs.8,500
Now do you get why am I ruining my life. Am a mass media student. I have worked with reputed channels and newspapers like, NDTV India, Hindustan Times, YUVA, and Star News. And what a beautiful work am I doing here. This job doesn’t kill me as much as the environment am I into. Fucking!! My colleagues, they don’t even know how to speak correct English. Would, went, will be, all will come in one sentence, eh!!
I am making a complete waste of myself here. I really am. But I also can’t continue reporting or journalism any longer. Reporters, journalists, content writers and all, they get paid bad, very bad. For 250 words you get only Rs. 25. Nope! I didn’t crack any joke.
I seriously wish to get into prostitution. I really am giving it thoughts now. And anyways, I have to be a scriptwriter. This field has tried to exploit me zillion times. I managed to keep up my virginity only because I was committed to him. But now, haha….. I love him still, but he doesn’t. So I guess am free from all chains and bondages of this society, love and him.
Moreover, how does it matter? I will just sell my body. At least, this is far better than getting your emotions, bloody your damn feelings, your fucking soul sold in an ex-relationship. At least here, I will be paid. I will not be kept in dark, but everything will be crystal clear. My heart here will not be under the fear of getting ditched. They will come, sleep with me, make-sex, pay me, and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.
I really am thinking hard on it. After all, is there now anyone I am committed to? Is there now anyone who awaits my luscious unsullied nipples to be tasted by him and only him? Does anyone now desire to be the only one to break my hymen and keep enjoying the hole for lifetime? The answer is clear, its no one.
It’s a vast ocean I am in today. A vast, vast ocean. There is no destination. I can make my own way, my own journey to nothing or everything. It depends on me to define what is 'nothing' for me and what is 'everything'…...
There is no one waiting for me anywhere. No one am I acquainted to anymore. The ship of life is sailing. There are no storms in the ocean, neither are there any chances of being any in future. For today it lies with 'ME' to decide what is a storm…..
And, today I think, its not prostitution at least!!
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Posted by AakashInMe on 2008-05-20 18:20:37 | Rating: | Views: 93
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Oh my. Your blog has reeled me in. Here I am, hooked again.
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-05-22 20:03:17
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I can't begin to imagine what your going through,but I can tell you that Jesus does love you and that selling your body will make things only worse. I would like to add you to my daily prayer list if thats okay with you. God bless you, Lou
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Posted by christianity247
on 2008-05-23 21:26:12
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