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What No One Told Me About Motherhood

I guess there's really no way anyone can warn you about everything to expect when you decide to have a baby. Most people will do one of two things: focus on the happiness (so they don't scare you) or leave their remark at something negative and short (knowing that you're in for the ride of your life anyway so why scare you more beforehand!).

Either way, I would have appreciated the honesty about everything that happens to a woman's body specifically. Before I had children, I saw my body in a very limited way. In reality, I never thought about my body. On the very rare occassion that I did, I either saw it as a tool for sex (as my mother relentlessly reminded me that this is all that matters to men) or as an ornament for clothes (and shoes, everyone knows I love my shoes). Since the day I knew I was pregnant my perception has continuously evolved!

The minute you become pregnant, your view of your body changes dramatically! The feeling of being a specimen is poignant. The tests you have to go through and the humility of personal exams you undergo take the beauty out of pregnancy at times. Not to mention the postpartum implications, especially if you decide to nurse your baby.

Here are a few things no one ever told me:

When you get pregnant, your body metamorphs
There is a difference between the words "natural birth" and "vaginal birth". To most people, that sounds like the same thing but to some, natural birth means no medication. Thankfully my doctor knew better and specifically asked if I wanted an epideral (instead of leaving it at "do you want a natural birth?"). Based on the sheer pain I felt down there after giving birth to my son, I'm eternally thankful that my doctor encouraged me to take the epideral!
Few women actually said how painful an episiotomy is. However, no one told me how incredible inconvenient it is too! Not even an hour after giving birth a nurse tells me it's time to nurse my baby. As I sat up to get ready, I remembered the episiotomy very quickly! Oh and I also remembered that the epideral hadn't completely gone through my system and part of my legs were still numb! I needed help just to sit up!!
Then comes the pain of nursing. Most books will tell you that you might feel some pain as the baby latches on ... but they don't tell you how excrutiating the pain is! Who knew a baby would have such powerful suction capabilities! I finally understood why women quit nursing so quickly and so easily. I persevered though (nursing my first born for 14 months and not giving up on my second born yet!). I do know there have been many a time where I cried through the whole nursing episode, bit down on my shirt, dug my nails into my own skin and cursed just to deal with the pain and get through it. Don't let anyone fool you, it's painful!
And positioning is so important while nursing (both for mom and baby). I had no idea just how important until I found myself making my episiotomy worse, giving myself back pain for not having a decent chair for nursing and incredible sore nipples from incorrect latch on!

I have to end this on a positive note though. I met with a lactation consultant who helped me with all of the above and then some! She was fabulous! At first, I was hesitant because the 'disclaimer' on her flyer said that I needed to be comfortable with a breast examination and observation of how I actually breastfeed. I found it amazingly comfortable to go through with it though and actually nurse in front of her, all for the sake of finding peace with nursing my baby! And now it's much better! She even helped me find some natural products to help with my episiotomy that I cannot live without now (go Earth Mama!)!

And even now I have to admit that the hardest part of all this for me, was acknowledging the fact that I needed the help. I hear so much from moms that it's overwhelming to be a mother and I'm sure most of the time it's because we want to be perfect at it without admitting that we could use some help. It's quite a humbling experience but so worth it in the end. My children do give me purpose and give me joy as they learn to mold their lives in an ever changing world!

Posted by atcrossroads on 2009-08-07 14:49:09 | Rating: