| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| Re-Evaluating Me |
I did not realize the extent to which having children changes your life. I was completely ready for losing all my personal time, dedicating every 'free' minute to raising the children. I was prepared for the diapers, feedings and the crying (somewhat at least). What I was not prepared for was the immense changes to my core being.
Before having children, spirituality was something meaningful in my life. Now that I have children, I want to take to a deeper level. I want them to learn through spirituality to be selfless, thoughtful, and thankful ... all things I feel spirituality teaches and all things that make a person better in life.
Before having children, I simply had a career. At times I let my career consume me, out of wanting to be the best employee for the company. The constant pay increases weren't bad either; it helped build my extensive shoe collection! Now, my mind races all the time and is only consumed with thoughts about caring for my children. I had no idea having a child would fill me with worry about how to best provide for another person. I worry that my son isn't eating well and I worry that my daughter will miss me too much when I return to work.
Before having children, I lived life for the love of my life and I didn't see any fault in him. Now that we have children and it's taking a toll on both of us, I realize why some women aim for a rich man to marry (with no concern for love at all) ... in the end, it would help provide a comfortable lifestyle for them and their children. I would never do that myself but now I do worry about our finances and I feel a heavy burden for both of us to provide abundant financial support for our children. At the same time, I'm willing to live a lifestyle worth thousands of dollars less than what we make, if that's what it takes for our children to be happy. I refuse to put my career or excess financial success ahead of my children.
Before having children, I would worry about what others thought about me at work. Now my priorities have changed and it makes me want to work extra hard in those 40 hours so that I can leave the office on time and still be proud of the work I have accomplished, while getting to spend time with my family.
Before having children, I couldn't care less what the rest of my family thought about me or whether we would spend much time together. I would dismiss everything my mother would say negative about me and excuse it as her way of getting back at me for being a runaway teenager when I was young. Now I realize she only wants the best for me and that she wasn't trying to be negative ... she was trying to give me advice for becoming a stronger woman.
Now that priorities have changed, I feel like a stronger individual. I have more will power to make things work out for the better. I have more inner drive to provide a safe and happy household. I have more passion for anything that involved my family. I feel more of a connection with my extended family. I feel a sense of needing sprituality, that it's more than just a 'nice thing' to have in your life. I feel more sense of being ....
My kids have changed my life, which I expected; but my kids have also changed me, which I did not anticipate. They have changed me for the better, at least I'd like to think so... they're amazing!
|
|
Posted by atcrossroads on 2009-08-30 07:51:53 | Rating: | Views: 22
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 